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proper way of raising children

proper way of raising children Dw617
Raising our children has a major impact on their reflection to the society. Young population are the new brains that every country count on to produce a better future. There are two types of parents, one that allow their children to make their own choices on everyday matters, others allow them to make decisions on factors that affect them. Many parents raise their children by allowing them to choose what to eat, wear, how to entertain themselves, this will lead into building a community where people only think of themselves, thus people wont cooperate with each others. Society bonds will be destroyed this way, since communication will be limited. Moreover, this will lead to a decrease in the sense of responsibility, since children will be raised with only a concern of what to eat, drink, thus they wont have enough experience to deal with problems that they will face in the future. Furthermore, they wont have any experience in the struggles, a person may face to earn money, for example a child with the only concern of what to eat, wont bear the other face of life, wont know the meaning of hard work. On the other hand, others believe that children must make decisions on factors they face. This will help in building a well experienced society, where they deal with any obstacle they may face in their personal life, work, community. Moreover people wont learn how to deal with problems, unless they face them, so no one learns from other people's mistakes. In addition, making mistakes in smaller ages, will be less complicated and more easy to resolve it, than in older ages. Parents must raise their children in a way that help them bear as much pressure as they can, must let their children feel the sense of responsibility, since only by this way a products, well experienced society can be made.
Raising our
children
has a major impact on their reflection to the
society
. Young population are the new brains that every country count on to produce a better future. There are two types of parents, one that
allow
their
children
to
make
their
own
choices on everyday matters, others
allow
them to
make
decisions on factors that affect them.
Many
parents raise their
children
by allowing them to choose what to eat, wear, how to entertain themselves, this will lead into building a community where
people
only
think
of themselves,
thus
people
wont
cooperate with each
others
.
Society
bonds will be
destroyed
this way, since communication will
be limited
.
Moreover
, this will lead to a decrease in the sense of responsibility, since
children
will
be raised
with
only
a concern of what to eat, drink,
thus
they
wont
have
enough
experience to deal with problems that they will
face
in the future.
Furthermore
, they
wont
have any experience in the struggles, a person may
face
to earn money,
for example
a child with the
only
concern of what to eat,
wont
bear the
other
face
of life,
wont
know the meaning of
hard
work. On the
other
hand, others believe that
children
must
make
decisions on factors they
face
. This will
help
in building a well experienced
society
, where they deal with any obstacle they may
face
in their personal life, work, community.
Moreover
people
wont
learn how to deal with problems, unless they
face
them,
so
no one learns from
other
people
's mistakes.
In addition
, making mistakes in smaller ages, will be less complicated and more easy to resolve it, than in older ages. Parents
must
raise their
children
in a way that
help
them bear as much pressure as they can,
must
let
their
children
feel the sense of responsibility, since
only
by this way
a products
, well experienced
society
can
be made
.
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IELTS essay proper way of raising children

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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