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Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. kNod
Nowadays, many young children want to be a sportsman in the future and they believe that athletes can make lots of money which is almost impossible for ordinary people. Many people blame it for spending too much money and worried that it could ruin the spirit of sports. However, I think it is evitable phenomenon in this capitalistic society. Money can make it possible for people to keep interest on sports likewise other businesses these days. First, Although there are many different kinds of sports, only ones that have paid attention enough from people can survive. That is why many games disappeared or transformed according to social trends or preferences. And if it gets popular then money goes with it to promote athletes and engaged in other businesses to make more money. For example, soccer is the world sports game so that many big match games are held all year around. Not only honorship the winning team of the soccer game can achieve, but also it boosts the economy in many different sectors such as sports products, stadium and broadcasting involved in soccer games. It will be incredibly a big amount of money that soccer team could bring money to its businesses. Therefore, putting money on athletes can be considered as an investment in the sport. Second, sports can affect on people mentally and physically. There are saying that healthy citizens make a strong nation. It can be seen that developed countries tend to put money on sports and encourage people to have any kind of sports as their hobby. If sportsmen are deserved well then the increasing number of people will consider to be athletes. So, it can be a good contributor for people to become healthier and for the country to become a stronger competitive to other counties. Another benefit from sports that it can implement patriotism to people’s mind. This is because, It helps people enhance the sense of belonging while they pray victory of their nation team. These uncountable values are really important for both individual health and the spirit of the nation. It can explain why sportsmen should be paid enough As far as all things I concerned, paying a big money to athletes has more positive aspects than negative ones. Some people might think it is unfair because the money a top classed sportsman can earn from a single game is greater than normal people save money for their entire lives. On the other hand, If we see the effect they can bring to society and the economy, It is reasonable to pay that money to the athletes.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young children want to be a sportsman in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which is almost impossible for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
blame it for spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and worried that it could ruin the spirit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a evitable" or "is an evitable"
is evitable
phenomenon in this capitalistic society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
likewise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
businesses these days.

First
, Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that have paid attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can survive.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
disappeared or transformed according to social trends or preferences. And if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
popular then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
goes with it to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
businesses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, soccer is the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
match
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are held
all year around. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
honorship
the winning team of the soccer game can achieve,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it boosts the economy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
products, stadium and broadcasting involved in soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It will be
incredibly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that soccer team could bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to its businesses.
Therefore
, putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can
be considered
as an investment in the sport.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mentally and
physically
. There are saying that healthy citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a strong nation. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
tend to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as their hobby. If sportsmen
are deserved
well then the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will consider to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
contributor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become healthier and for the country to become a stronger competitive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
counties. Another benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that it can implement patriotism to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enhance the sense of belonging while they pray victory of their nation team. These uncountable values are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for both individual health and the spirit of the nation. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why sportsmen should
be paid
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
enough


As far as all things I concerned, paying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is unfair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a top classed sportsman can earn from a single game is greater than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the effect they can bring to society and the economy, It is reasonable to pay that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.

IELTS essay Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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