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Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. 2bbOx
This essay is about the sports industry. And how the most elite players are paid millions of dollars. Due to so much money in sports, some say it defeats the purpose of the actual game. I agree and also disagree with the above statement and the reasons will be explained below. I disagree with the above statement that it changes the real motive of the game. According to me, these professional players invest a huge amount of time, almost half of their life on practising, they compete and after getting selected, they work so hard and then they become so good at their game that they are paid millions of dollars. For example, Virat Kohli A well-known Indian Cricketer plays exceptionally well and has won many matches for India uncountable times. He was part of the team when India won the world cup. Winning the world cup was a great moment for India it made every citizen proud to part of the country and it happened because of the fantastic skills and consistent practice of Virat Kohli. Undoubtedly he is worth million dollars and he deserved to paid in millions and it never changed the purpose of the actual game. Whereas, In some cases, I agree with the above statement that the purpose of the game is forgotten and money becomes the main motive. Sometimes players do betting, In which they are ready to lose the game to get paid in millions. They sell themselves for the money which sometimes affects the whole game itself.
This essay is about the sports industry. And how the most elite players are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of dollars. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money in sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say it defeats the purpose of the actual game. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and
also
disagree with the above statement and the reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
below. I disagree with the above statement that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the real motive of the game.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, these professional players invest a huge amount of time, almost half of their life on
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
, they compete and after getting selected, they work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
then they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at their game that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of dollars.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
A well-known Indian Cricketer plays
exceptionally
well and has won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
matches for India uncountable times. He was part of the team when India won the world cup. Winning the world cup was a great moment for India it made every citizen proud to part of the country and it happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fantastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and consistent practice of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
.
Undoubtedly
he is worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dollars and
he deserved to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
and it never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the purpose of the actual game. Whereas, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement that the purpose of the game
is forgotten
and money becomes the main motive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
players
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go betting".
do betting
, In which they are ready to lose the game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
. They sell themselves for the money which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
affects the whole game itself.
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IELTS essay Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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