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Problems nauru people facing

Problems nauru people facing N3Ngb
Well, we may all think, how the world’s second-richest country has become the most obese country in the world by having its population without any income. And 70% of the population of a country is obese. And in my opinion, the Nauru government has most of the fault in this disaster. There are many reasons why I wonder if the government is responsible for all of this. In even a small country, there are thousands of people. So, it means there are a huge number of opinions and perspectives. Here the government is responsible for making a decision and choosing the best option. When Germany or the UK came to fight with Nauru, the government should have been against it and prepared for the war. Unfortunately they did not, consequently their land is like that now
Well, we may all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, how the world’s second-richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has become the most obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world by having its population without any income. And 70% of the population of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is obese. And in my opinion, the Nauru
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has most of the fault in this disaster. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why I wonder if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for all of this.

In even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, there are thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it means there are a huge number of opinions and perspectives. Here the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for making a decision and choosing the best option.

When Germany or the UK came to fight with Nauru, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have been against it and prepared for the war. Unfortunately they did not,
consequently
their land is like that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
now

IELTS essay Problems nauru people facing

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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