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Prevention is better than cure. So countries should divert money from the treatment of diseases to health education and preventive measures. Do you agree or disagree?

Prevention is better than cure. So countries should divert money from the treatment of diseases to health education and preventive measures. E3LNx
It is true that many countries are spending huge amounts of money for treatment of the diseases affecting a considerably larger number of people. I strongly agree that money must be diverted from treatment of diseases to health education and preventive measures. My views are as follows: Firstly, there are diseases being discovered each new day, the number of people affected is also too high. The reason is that people are unaware of their health needs and various causes of the diseases. If they are made to realize the above mentioned two perspectives, the possibility of getting diseases can be reduced considerably. Thus, the money spent on the treatment of diseases would also move towards health education and prevention. However, it is equally indispensable to spend money for treatment purposes. Diseases may occur in spite of the preventive measures. If adequate health education is given to the people, the occurrence of disease will significantly decrease. For example, it is easy to prevent dengue by creating awareness about the mosquitoes. This helps to curb the spread of diseases in many countries. In the end, I would like to say that ‘Prevention is better than cure. ’ The money utilized for treatment purposes must be diverted to impart health education to the people and to make them aware about the various preventive measures that one should follow to prevent the occurrence of a disease.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are spending huge amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
affecting a
considerably
larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be diverted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and preventive measures. My views are as follows:

Firstly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
being discovered
each new day, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
is
also
too high. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unaware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
needs and various causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. If they
are made
to realize the above mentioned two perspectives, the possibility of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
considerably
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and prevention.

However
, it is
equally
indispensable to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
purposes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Diseases
may occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the preventive measures. If adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the occurrence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
will
significantly
decrease.
For example
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
dengue by creating awareness about the mosquitoes. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to curb the spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like to say that ‘Prevention is better than cure. ’ The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
utilized for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be diverted
to impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware about the various preventive measures that one should follow to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the occurrence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.

IELTS essay Prevention is better than cure. So countries should divert money from the treatment of diseases to health education and preventive measures.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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