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Playing a game is fun only when you win. Agree/Disagree?

Playing a game is fun only when you win. Agree/Disagree? oRD2X
I strongly disagree with the statement playing a game only when you win. And the reason behind my disagreement with this is because a person used to learn a lot from games they play. Game could be any one. It may be indoor or outdoor but both have their own benefits. For example if a person is interested in chess which is an indoor game actually its helpful for brain development. It helps in broadening of your analytical skills, it also sharpens the brain of individual and help in developing reasoning power. So if someone with the interest of chess won't play just in fear of loss in game, He is actually losing capacity to development of his brain and brain related decision making and thought processes. Likewise if someone is interested in interested in running, jogging, or taking part in race and doesn't participate in them just in fear of loss in game. He is losing in diverse ways in fact. There is numerous advantages of running. It tightens the muscle and makes them firm and healthy. Running is also a good exercise if someone desire of weight loss or want to burn his stored calories. Running in routine way not only helps in weight loss but it actually increases the blood circulation which helps in purifying of blood. Going outside for running also develop sociel interaction with new people and motivate to learn new techniques. they can share ideas and advantages of different strategies for health. I believe playing a game is to learn n grow not to win. But we can set goals try to win also. . .
I
strongly
disagree with the statement playing a game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when you win. And the reason behind my disagreement with this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to learn a lot from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they play. Game could be
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
. It may be indoor or outdoor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
For example
if a person
is interested
in chess which is an indoor game actually its helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
development. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in broadening of your analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it
also
sharpens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
of individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in developing reasoning power.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if someone with the interest of chess won't play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
in game, He is actually losing capacity to development of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
related
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
processes.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
if someone is
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "interested in".
interested in interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
, jogging, or taking part in race and doesn't participate in them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
in game. He is losing in diverse ways in fact.
Did you mean "There are numerous advantages"?
There is numerous advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
. It tightens the muscle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them firm and healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Running
is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exercise if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "desires", "desired".
desire
of weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
or want to burn his stored calories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Running
in routine way not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it actually increases the blood circulation which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in purifying of blood. Going outside for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
also
develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociel
interaction with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and motivate to learn new techniques.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and advantages of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies for health.

I believe playing a game is to learn n grow not to win.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can set goals try to win
also
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Playing a game is fun only when you win. Agree/Disagree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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