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After the industrialization, the lifestyle of people changed; especially, the younger's lifestyle has changed dramatically.

After the industrialization, the lifestyle of people changed; especially, the younger's lifestyle has changed dramatically. KwqER
After the industrialization, the lifestyle of people changed; especially, the younger's lifestyle has changed dramatically. In my view, nowadays young people are living more independent than in the past. They are now able to decide the manner of their life themselves, however, in the past, they were more dependent on their parents for making a decision. I will elaborate my opinion on the following reasons. First and foremost, young people choose their field of study. Most of the young people have the university education and they are able to choose their field of study themselves. Consequently, they can choose their own job, but, in the past, the younger had to continue their parent's job. For example, when I choose Physics as my field of study, none of my parents did study physics. However, they let me choose independently. If I was born 100 years ago, I would never be able to choose Physics. Because at that time children were more relevant to their parents; actually, the parents made a decision for them. Furthermore, these days, younger usually live independently after the age of 18. In the past, young people usually lived with their parents until they get married and usually, their parents chose the wife or husband for them. However, in this century, young people after finishing the high school, be separated from their parents and choose the place for living independently. Hence, they will be able to choose anything independently, especially, they will choose a partner to live. Admittedly, today, young people have enough money. Young people usually work after finishing the school, hence, they have enough money to do anything that they want. In the past, young people usually received a little money from their parents because of the working at home or farm. Hence, the parents bought what the children need for them, hence, the children were not able to choose what they buy. Due to the aforementioned grounds, today young people can make the decision themselves, more independently than in the past. Because they have the university education, live independently and have enough money. In my view, the children of a family are going to be more independent from their family and after a few decades, they will be separated from their family even in the early ages.
After the industrialization, the lifestyle of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
;
especially
, the younger's lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. In my view, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
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people
are living more independent than in the
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past
. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
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able
to decide the manner of their life themselves,
however
, in the
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past
, they were more dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for making a decision. I will elaborate my opinion on the following reasons.

First
and foremost,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the university
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they are
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able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
themselves.
Consequently
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in the
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past
, the younger had to continue their parent's job.
For example
, when I
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choose
Physics as my field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, none of my
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parents
did
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study
physics.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
. If I
was born
100 years ago, I would never be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
Physics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
at that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were more relevant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
; actually, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
made a decision for them.

Furthermore
, these days, younger
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usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
after the age of 18. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with their
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parents
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and
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usually
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
chose the wife or husband for them.
However
, in this century,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after finishing the high school,
be separated
from their
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parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the place for living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
.
Hence
, they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
anything
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independently
,
especially
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a partner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
work after finishing the school,
hence
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do anything that they want. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
received a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the working at home or farm.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need for them,
hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

Due to the aforementioned grounds,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision themselves, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have the university education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of a family are going to be more
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their family and after a few decades, they will
be separated
from their family even in the early ages.
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IELTS essay After the industrialization, the lifestyle of people changed; especially, the younger's lifestyle has changed dramatically.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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