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Physical education should be mandatory at universities. Do you agree or disagree?

Physical education should be mandatory at universities. Y2gE5
Due to the benefits associated with exercising, some believe that universities should require students to take physical education classes. I totally agree that gym classes should be obligatory at universities. I feel this way for two reasons which I will examine in this essay. First of all, exercising regularly helps students improve their academic performance. Since many students have to cope with an enormous workload during the semester, they are prone to suffer from stress and anxiety. Evidently, exercising in between sessions of studying can help students focus on something different than just their subject and relax. Consequently, when they continue studying after having worked out, they can concentrate better on the topic at hand. Thus, exercising allows students to study more efficiently which enables them to get better grades. This is best demonstrated by my personal experience. When I started studying at university, I did not do any exercise because of the huge workload that required me to study for hours. As a result, I felt overwhelmed and stressed out. Eventually, I started swimming every second day which had a huge impact on my performance. Suddenly, I felt more confident, I focused better on tasks, and I managed to get them done more quickly than before. I am sure that if I had not started exercising regularly, I would not have been able to study so efficiently. As a result, my grades improved considerably. Second, physical exercise provides students with skills that can prove useful in their future careers. In particular, those types of exercise that require students to work in a team promote their skills in communication and organization. Obviously, such skills are indispensable when one has to work in a team at university or in a later job. For instance, I played basketball at university. As basketball requires all team members to work closely together, we all had to learn how to communicate with each other. In the beginning this was a huge challenge for all of us. However, after a while I realized that I was able to understand subtle signs of others and to react appropriately. In addition to that, the communication skills I had acquired came in very handy when doing group work in seminars. In fact, I was able to communicate more effectively with my team. Further, I was not only more empathetic towards my team members but I was also able to organize tasks more efficiently. Certainly, if I had not played basketball at university, I would not have developed these skills. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that students should be required to exercise at university. This is because physical exercise enhances the academic performance of students and because it allows them to develop necessary skills for their future.
Due to the benefits associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should require students

to take physical education classes. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that gym classes should be obligatory at

universities. I feel this way for two reasons which I will examine in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many


students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with an enormous workload during the semester, they are prone to suffer

from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
Evidently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
in between sessions of studying can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus

on something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their subject and relax.
Consequently
, when they continue studying

after having worked out, they can concentrate better on the topic at hand.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows


students to study more
efficiently
which enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better grades. This is best

demonstrated by my personal experience. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I did not do any

exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge workload that required me to study for hours.
As a result
, I felt

overwhelmed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out.
Eventually
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
swimming every second day which had a huge

impact on my performance.
Suddenly
, I felt more confident, I focused better on tasks, and I managed

to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them done more
quickly
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I am sure that if I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
regularly
, I

would not have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
efficiently
.
As a result
, my grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
considerably
.

Second, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can prove useful in their future careers. In

particular, those types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in

communication and organization.
Obviously
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are indispensable when one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a

team at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or in a later job.
For instance
, I played basketball at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. As basketball

requires all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
closely
together, we all had to learn how to communicate with

each other. In the beginning this was a huge challenge for all of us.
However
, after a while I realized

that I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to understand subtle signs of others and to react
appropriately
.
In addition
to that,

the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
I had acquired came in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy when doing group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in seminars. In

fact, I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to communicate more
effectively
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Further
, I was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more

empathetic towards my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to organize tasks more
efficiently
.

Certainly
, if I had not played basketball at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I would not have developed these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This is

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
enhances the academic performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows


them to develop necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their future.
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IELTS essay Physical education should be mandatory at universities.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
459 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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