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personal statement for fashion management

personal statement for fashion management o6Pr9
This is Thet Thet Soe and I have thought fashion can give a beautiful smile and confidence to everyone since I was young, therefore, I have been interested in textile and fashion for so long. I have been seeking opportunities to study abroad to acquire the global fashion industry’s vision, connection, and invaluable technique. As I was born and raised in Myanmar, a third-world country where the fashion industry has not developed and there are not any courses related to fashion. The purpose of this letter is to delineate my dedication to the application for a Bachelor of Fashion Management at NTU. As there is only one textile course in my country, which is Textile Engineering, so I have studied it at Yangon Technological University for 3 years. I have learned about the science and processes of fabric and lessons dealing with the textile industry and I gave my best shot in whatever I was studying. During my university life, I have learnt the basic concept of business through my volunteering experiences in AIESEC and also I have met many international textile students, who were from different backgrounds with unique cultures and visions, and widened the eye of global fashion through the journey of art week in China. Then, I found myself the combination of the fashion industry and business makes me excited and it is what I am passionate about. Today, Myanmar education has been suspended for over two years due to the global pandemic and also the military coup, therefore I have decided to take this chance to start my education in a foreign country, and specialize in subjects I have been keen on. Thanks to my working experience in Smart Myanmar, I have learnt how to behave with others and the global sustainability of the textile industry. My enthusiasm for fashion has been improving day by day and I am fond of observing the current fashion trends which enhance my creativity. As I am skilled in managing time, organizing and analysing things, working with teams and communicating with others, they give me the confidence I will surely be the best fit for this program.
This is
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Thet Thet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soe
and I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
smile and confidence to everyone since I was young,
therefore
, I have
been interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long. I have been seeking opportunities to study abroad to acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry’s
vision, connection, and invaluable technique. As I
was born
and raised in Myanmar, a third-world country where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has not developed and there are not any courses related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. The purpose of this letter is to delineate my dedication to the application for a Bachelor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
Management at
Possible spelling mistake found.
NTU
.

As there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
course in my country, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Textile
Engineering,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have studied it at Yangon Technological University for 3 years. I have learned about the science and processes of fabric and lessons dealing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and I gave my best shot in whatever I was studying. During my university life, I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the basic concept of business through my volunteering experiences in AIESEC and
also
I have met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
students, who were from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds with unique cultures and visions, and widened the eye of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
through the journey of art week in China. Then, I found myself the combination of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me excited and it is what I am passionate about.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, Myanmar education has
been suspended
for over two years due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
pandemic and
also
the military coup,
therefore
I have decided to take this chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my education in a foreign country, and specialize in subjects I have been keen on. Thanks to my working experience in Smart Myanmar, I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
how to behave with others and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
sustainability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. My enthusiasm for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has been improving day by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
I am fond of observing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
trends which enhance my creativity. As I
am skilled
in managing time, organizing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
things, working with teams and communicating with others, they give me the confidence I will
surely
be the best fit for this program.
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IELTS essay personal statement for fashion management

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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