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Personal happiness is directly linked with money not other factors. Do you agree or disagree

Personal happiness is directly linked with money not other factors. M3wQp
Attaining happiness is quite difficult in this competitive and hectic era and it is widely considered that income of individuals ensures pleasure to them instead of other aspects. I, however, opine that satisfactory social life, family bond and good health play vital role. Nodoubt, money brings great joy not only in terms of fulfilling own wishes and fancies but also to maintain family needs. Enjoying vacations' buying luxurious items and providing all the necessary things to loved ones reauire huge amount of bucks which means financial sufficiency surely makes a person happy. Moreover, this commodity can bring people out of difficulties sich as medical and legal issues. Equally valuable is menatl and physical wellness because without these factors, neither one can enjoy nor make wise decisions despite having immense wealth. If someones is able to analyse right or wrong along with travelling to near ones and for works, it adds colour and spice in life. Thus, one must maintain good health in all respects. Not to be left behind is peaceful and respectful social and family life which give birth to inner happiness by eliminating frustration and negativity. While being in a supportive family and locality, an individual is unlikely to fall in bigger problem and if it happens, he or she can come out easily with others help. So, this factor is important to be happy. At last, money solely can not produce happiness for people, it is equally joined by satisfying work, strong family bond and healthy socialization.
Attaining happiness is quite difficult in this competitive and hectic era and it is
widely
considered that income of individuals ensures pleasure to them
instead
of other aspects. I,
however
, opine that satisfactory social life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health play vital role.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nodoubt
, money brings great joy not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of fulfilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes and fancies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs. Enjoying vacations' buying luxurious items and providing all the necessary things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
Possible spelling mistake found.
reauire
huge amount of bucks which means financial sufficiency
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person happy.
Moreover
, this commodity can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
out of difficulties
Possible spelling mistake found.
sich as
medical and legal issues.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Equally
valuable is
Possible spelling mistake found.
menatl
and physical wellness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without these factors, neither one can enjoy nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions despite having immense wealth. If someones is able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
along with travelling to near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and for works, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and spice in life.
Thus
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health in all respects. Not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind is peaceful and respectful social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life which give birth to inner happiness by eliminating frustration and negativity. While being in a supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and locality, an individual is unlikely to fall in bigger problem and if it happens, he or she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out
easily
with others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this factor is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be happy. At last, money
solely
can not produce happiness for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
by satisfying work, strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond and healthy socialization.

IELTS essay Personal happiness is directly linked with money not other factors.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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