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How can the government ensure that all people can live together harmoniously?

How can the government ensure that all people can live together harmoniously? wMmGq
Over the last few decades, there has been a significant development in the cosmopolitan cities. As a result, there has been a considerable increase in the population of these countries. However, bureaucrats are making sure that the people live here peacefully. One of the best ways that the government should adopt is to promote different cultures in the schools itself. This is primarily because tradition and culture vary from one place to another. Although it is is difficult to follow such a culture, children can basically understand the value of it. Moreover, the teacher can also give a warm welcome to newcomers which can make them more comfortable with different places and cultures. Thus if the government takes some initiative to reduce such a situation, people can live here peacefully. Additionally, the government should provide free language courses to the foreigners. This is owing to the fact, that while people travel to a new country they do have an abundance of difficulties understanding the language the native speaker speaks. Furthermore, they can also give a free course for understanding their culture. For example, nowadays the majority of people are finding difficulty in understanding the native speaker due to a need of confidence. Consequently, such courses can make them more confident and improvise their personality. Thus such steps can definitely make a difference in the way people live. In conclusion, even though the new settlers of the country is probably difficult for the government to manage, providing free language course with ample knowledge about the values of the culture will unquestionably make the people live a peaceful life.
Over the last few decades, there has been a significant development in the cosmopolitan cities.
As a result
, there has been a considerable increase in the population of these countries.
However
, bureaucrats are making sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here
peacefully
.

One of the best ways that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should adopt is to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in the schools itself. This is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
tradition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
vary from one place to another. Although it
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
difficult to follow such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, children can
basically
understand the value of it.
Moreover
, the teacher can
also
give a warm welcome to newcomers which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more comfortable with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such a situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here
peacefully
.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide free language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to the foreigners. This is owing to the fact, that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to a new country they do have an abundance of difficulties understanding the language the native speaker speaks.
Furthermore
, they can
also
give a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
for understanding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, nowadays the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding difficulty in understanding the native speaker due to a need of confidence.
Consequently
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more confident and improvise their personality.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
such steps can definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
,
even though
the new settlers of the country is
probably
difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to manage, providing free language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
with ample knowledge about the values of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will
unquestionably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a peaceful life.
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IELTS essay How can the government ensure that all people can live together harmoniously?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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