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people's health standards will be better or not in the future

people's health standards will be better or not in the future 9LWR7
The issue of people's health standards will be better or not in the future has grown in importance over the past few decades. Some people argue that the next generations will have a lower standard of health. However, I completely disagree with that idea and try to support my argument in the essay below. On the one hand, some commentators justifiably argue that we have a better standard of living including health in the future. From their point of view, due to the advancements in technology, we will probably face fewer issues in medical equipment, and also scientists will invent a wide variety of medicines so as to treat many diseases. So we will be less likely to suffer from some health problems that faced nowadays. It is also mentioned that a vast number of people are prone to some incurable diseases such as cancer or HIV virus. With no treatment for them, scientists are unable to improve this situation with todays' knowledge. As a result, we probably have less standard of health compared to the next generations. On the other hand, there are those who subscribe to the view that people will be more likely to encounter numerous unknown diseases in the future. They insist that, in recent coronavirus pandemic, medician and scientists find it difficult to invent an effective vaccine. So we will definitely face some diseases like that in the future. However, I do not find this argument valid because humanity has overcome many health problems in the past and they are able to improve the health-related situation and develop our standard of health. To sum up, due to the reasons mentioned above, I would argue that people will have a better standard of health by developing our facilities and technology and also inventing some medicines.
The issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
will be better or not in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
has grown in importance over the past few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
next
generations will have a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, I completely disagree with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and try to support my argument in the essay below.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators
justifiably
argue that we have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of living including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. From their point of view, due to the advancements in technology, we will
probably
face fewer issues in medical equipment, and
also
scientists will invent a wide variety of medicines
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
treat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we will be less likely to suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems that faced nowadays. It is
also
mentioned that a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancer or
This phrase is redundant ('V' stands for 'virus'). Use simply "HIV".
HIV virus
. With no treatment for them, scientists are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation with
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
' knowledge.
As a result
, we
probably
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
compared to the
next
generations.

On the other hand
, there are those who subscribe to the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more likely to encounter numerous unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. They insist that, in recent coronavirus pandemic,
Possible spelling mistake found.
medician
and scientists find it difficult to invent an effective vaccine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we will definitely face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, I do not find this argument valid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humanity has overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health-related situation and develop our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of health.

To sum up, due to the reasons mentioned above, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by developing our facilities and technology and
also
inventing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medicines.
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IELTS essay people's health standards will be better or not in the future

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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