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People who move to cities for work can consider more options when they retire. Which do you think is the best choice, and why?

People who move to cities for work can consider more options when they retire. Which do you think is the best choice, and why? 1nqb7
Retirement is one of the biggest time of our lives. After retire works, we can stay in the city, go back to our hometown, or live abroad. Like this, there are a lot of choices. Although it depends on people or situation, I believe that living abroad is the best choice. The first reason is that they have a lot of time. When they work, they don't have enough time to do thing that they want to, and it might difficult to go abroad and enjoy and relax in there. Therefore, after they retire their jobs, they are able to go and living abroad, and have a lot of experiences. It is also good for health, because id they live other country which they want to live, they might feel good and go out to enjoy the country. So, it can be prevented to stay in house and become unhealthy. The second reason is that they can learn new things by living new country. In new country, people can have many experiences as explained before, they can also learn new things such as cultures, foods, traditions, people, language, and so on at the same time. Also, they might can make new friends. If they stay in same place, they may get bored and motivation of live will decrease. Living a new overseas will help to keep people young and active not only physically, but also mentally. In conclusion, I think that there are credible benefits and reasons to spend time in overseas after retire. Therefore, I believe living another country is the best choice for people retire their work.
Retirement is one of the biggest
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time
of our
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lives
. After
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retire
works, we can stay in the city, go back to our hometown, or
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live
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abroad
. Like this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choices. Although it depends on
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people
or situation, I believe that
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living
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abroad
is the best choice.

The
first
reason is that they have
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a lot of
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time
. When they work, they don't have
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enough
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time
to do thing that they want to, and it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
might difficult
to go
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abroad
and enjoy and relax in there.
Therefore
, after they
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retire
their jobs, they are able to go and
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living
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abroad
, and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experiences. It is
also
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good
for health,
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because
id they
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live
other
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country
which they want to
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live
, they might feel
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good
and go out to enjoy the
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country
.
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So
, it can be
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prevented
to stay in
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house
and become unhealthy.

The second reason is that they can learn
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new
things by
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living
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new
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country
. In
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new
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country
,
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people
can have
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many
experiences as
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explained
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before
, they can
also
learn
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new
things such as cultures, foods, traditions,
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people
, language, and
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so
on at the same
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time
.
Also
, they
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "might, can", "might" or "can"?
might can
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make
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new
friends. If they stay in same place, they may
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get
bored and motivation of
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live
will decrease.
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Living
a
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new
overseas will
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help
to
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keep
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people
young and active not
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only
physically
,
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but
also
mentally.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are credible benefits and reasons to spend
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time
in overseas after
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retire
.
Therefore
, I believe
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living
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the best choice for
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
their work.
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IELTS essay People who move to cities for work can consider more options when they retire. Which do you think is the best choice, and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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