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Effect of computer games to children's health and studies

Effect of computer games to children's health and studies 2l3yJ
It is argued that playing computer games provides no benefit for children’s academic progress. Not only that, playing games is also thought to negatively influence children’s health development. To my mind, I firmly agree with those opinions. To begin with, I believe playing computer games can have an adverse impact on children’s health. Firstly, spending too much time on playing games, children might not pay enough attention to physical activities such as sports or any outdoor interests. As a result of lacking exercises, they could encounter many health issues. For example, more and more children are facing obesity or difficult height development due to unhealthy sleeping and eating patterns caused by continual gaming. It is evident that too much gaming can have a negative influence on children’s health development. Not only does playing computer games negatively affect children’s health, it also shows little contribution to their studies. Because those games are believed to be highly addictive, they can consume a considerable amount of children’s time which should be used for studying and training. Not having enough time for academic activities, they tend to not complete their schoolwork or assignments. Consequently, children might struggle to comprehend new knowledge from schools. As a result, they might receive a decrease in grades representing their school performance. It is clear that children’s studies might be hindered by spending too much time on playing computer games. In conclusion, I believe playing computer games can have a detrimental impact on children in terms of both health development and academic progress. Even though games can be a favourable pastime, children should not spend too much time playing. Instead, children are encouraged to participate more in activities that help them with their health or studies.
It
is argued
that
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playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provides no benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
academic progress. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
negatively
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
development. To my mind, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those opinions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to physical activities such as sports or any outdoor interests.
As a result
of lacking exercises, they could encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
For example
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing obesity or difficult height development due to unhealthy sleeping and eating patterns caused by continual gaming. It is evident that too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
gaming can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
development.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
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playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
negatively
affect
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children’s
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health
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
contribution to their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
those
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games
are believed
to be
highly
addictive, they can consume a considerable amount of
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children’s
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time
which should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for studying and training. Not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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time
for academic activities, they tend to not complete their schoolwork or assignments.
Consequently
,
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
struggle to comprehend new knowledge from schools.
As a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
receive a decrease in grades representing their school performance. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
studies
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might
be hindered
by spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a detrimental impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
development and academic progress.
Even though
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games
can be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
pastime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not spend too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
to participate more in activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or studies.
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IELTS essay Effect of computer games to children's health and studies

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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