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people who give extra money to charity or good are happier than people who spend their money on themselves

people who give extra money to charity or good are happier than people who spend their money on themselves RNnDp
Recently, the concept of happiness is an issue that everyone thinks about. Some people believe that having lots of money could be a source of happiness; However, others claim that giving money to people who are in need is more joyful. From a personal perspective, sharing money with others is a vital source of happiness given that peolpe feel more contributed and engaging. The first and foremost point, provided that people give extra money to charity, they could help their communities. A vivid example of that doctor Mgdy Yacoub is a famous cardiologist; furthermore, he has a charm, benevolent and generous work for underprivileged children. To that end, he founded The Chain Of Hope Foundation in 1995, which put experts in touch together in order to perform life-saving heart procedures. Likewise, until now 15 million children from more than 25 developing countries have been treated. Although he is a very rich man, he said that having money is not the main reason for happiness, but helping others is the real meaning of pleasure. Consequently, people who help their communities by sharing money and services are happier. Next, coupled with benefit communities, feel interesting is another virtue of giving money. For instance, people in developed countries, such as Canada and the United States celebrate Christmas by offering poor people money, clothes and toys. In other words, people in this event feel happier when they donate and share their items to spread a little Christmas spirit to those who really need it. In addition to that, it is a good opportunity for parents to teach their kids to think about others. Therefore, donating money is imperative for happiness. Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, people who give extra money to charity or a god are happy not only because they could help their communities, but also they feel more engaging. It is suggested that parents teach their kids to share their items to protect them from being selfish.
Recently, the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is an issue that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
;
However
, others claim that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need is more joyful. From a personal perspective, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with others is a vital source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolpe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more contributed and engaging.

The
first
and foremost point, provided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to charity, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. A vivid example of that doctor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mgdy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yacoub
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cardiologist;
furthermore
, he has a charm, benevolent and generous work for underprivileged children. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he founded The Chain Of Hope Foundation in 1995, which put experts in touch together in order to perform life-saving heart procedures.
Likewise
, until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
15 million children from more than 25
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have
been treated
. Although he is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, he said that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
helping others is the real meaning of pleasure.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
by sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and services are happier.

Next
, coupled with benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
interesting is another virtue of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Canada and the United States celebrate Christmas by offering poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, clothes and toys. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
happier when they donate and share their items to spread a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Christmas spirit to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
really
need it.
In addition
to that, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for parents to teach their kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about others.
Therefore
, donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is imperative for happiness.

Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to charity or a god are happy not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more engaging. It
is suggested
that parents teach their kids to share their items to protect them from being selfish.
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IELTS essay people who give extra money to charity or good are happier than people who spend their money on themselves

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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