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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Unhealthy eating habits and lifestyles are contributing to numerous diseases. The treatment of these sort of diseases are often costly and leads to excessive burden on health care system. It is argued that patients of these diseases should pay more for health care as they were caused due to poor lifestyle habits and choice of eating. I disagree to this statement more than agreeing due to the reasons mentioned in this essay. Unhealthy lifestyle and eating habits are not entirely due to poor choices and habits on part of an individual but they may arise due to hectic work schedule and long working hours. A survey conducted by New York Times reported that lifestyle diseases are increasing 14% every year across the world. Most hourly paid employees have to work long hours to meet ends throughout their lives. Working for long hours lead to neglect of lifestyle and food habits as they might take a back shift in the priority while taking care of umpteen other things. Also, there are certain lifestyle diseases such as diabetes and heart conditions that may be caused due to genetic predispositions and it is hard to make out of the real cause of these diseases. In that case, it would be unfair for patients with these diseases to pay more just because they have a lifestyle disease. However, everyone should be encouraged to maintain a healthy lifestyle incorporating balanced diet and physical activity. Although, lifestyle disease are on the rise and everyone is facing the burden of increased health care cost in an universal health care system, we should not put additional burden with patients of lifestyle diseases. All patients should be treated equally without any form of prejudices. However, everyone should be taught the benefits of eating healthy and practicing a healthy lifestyle.
Unhealthy eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
are contributing to numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The treatment of
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘sort’. Did you mean “this sort” or “these sorts”?
these sort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “is”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘are’ is not always incorrect.)
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
costly and leads to excessive burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
should pay more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
as they
were caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and choice of eating.

I disagree to this statement more than agreeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the reasons mentioned in this essay. Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are not
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to poor choices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
on part of an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may arise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to hectic work schedule and long working hours. A survey conducted by New York Times reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are increasing 14% every year across the world. Most hourly paid employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
ends throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Working for long hours lead to neglect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
as they might take a back shift in the priority while taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of umpteen other things.
Also
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as diabetes and heart conditions that may
be caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to genetic
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
predispositions and
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
out of the real cause of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
In that case
, it would be unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
to pay more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
However
, everyone should
be encouraged
to maintain a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
incorporating balanced diet and physical activity.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
are on the rise and everyone is facing the burden of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
cost in
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system, we should not put additional burden with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
should
be treated
equally
without any form of prejudices.
However
, everyone should
be taught
the benefits of eating healthy and practicing a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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