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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? Wyyje
It is often argued that individuals who do not consider their meal quality and their life causing themselves sickness in which costs more to pay for health services. I completely agree with this opinion and think fast foods and lack of exercise are two main reasons. Firstly, in my opinion, individuals are feeding themselves junk foods. A big part of these meals is made of low-quality ingredients and conservatives to make that food last longer. Consuming meals as described in the long run results in severe damages to the vital body organs such as the heart and liver. For example, experiments show that hamburgers like McDonald's in which contains conservatives, cause cancer. As a result, these consumers get cancer and must pay an enormous amount to do chemo treatments. Secondly, nowadays society is trapped into a hectic lifestyle. Doing a routine every day, including sitting behind a desk without any activity, raises the obesity problem. Consider a person using public transportation system or private vehicle, eating junk food without fail, ignoring a time slot in the schedule doing exercise regularly. For instance, walking for about 30 minutes every day burns 100 kcal. Thus, avoiding physical activity in life increases cholesterol and fat cells, making the heart's job harder, and that person ends with a stroke in immense hospital expenses. To conclude, I strongly agree that poor nutrition and depraved lifestyle triggers sickness is owing to eating fast food meals and inadequate workout.
It is
often
argued that individuals who do not consider their
meal
quality and their life causing themselves sickness in which costs more to pay for health services. I completely
agree
with this opinion and
think
fast
foods
and lack of exercise are two main reasons.

Firstly
, in my opinion, individuals are feeding themselves junk
foods
. A
big
part of these
meals
is made
of low-quality ingredients and conservatives to
make
that
food
last longer. Consuming
meals
as
described
in the long run results in severe damages to the vital body organs such as the heart and liver.
For example
, experiments
show
that hamburgers like McDonald's in which contains conservatives, cause cancer.
As a result
, these consumers
get
cancer and
must
pay an enormous amount to do chemo treatments.

Secondly
, nowadays society
is trapped
into a hectic lifestyle. Doing a routine every day, including sitting behind a desk without any activity, raises the obesity problem. Consider a person using public transportation system or private vehicle, eating junk
food
without fail, ignoring a time slot in the schedule doing exercise
regularly
.
For instance
, walking for about 30 minutes every day burns 100 kcal.
Thus
, avoiding physical activity in life increases cholesterol and
fat
cells, making the heart's job harder, and that person ends with a stroke in immense hospital expenses.

To conclude
, I
strongly
agree
that poor nutrition and depraved lifestyle triggers sickness is owing to eating
fast
food
meals
and inadequate workout.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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