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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? Le7R
It is irrefutable that with the advent of technology, the life of people become more easier as compared to past. However, it also leads to sedentary lifestyle. Some people think that the individual who are responsible for their ill health caused by unhygienic and less nutritious diet are required to pay more for accessing health facilities. However, one cannot ignore the right of equality in getting health facilities. On the one hand, everyone, irrespective of ill or healthy should have equal right in getting proper health care facilities at reasonable price as they paid taxes to government. The amount government invested building infrastructure was generated from public, which means that public can use it whenever they want. Moreover, it is against the law to behave differently with people according to their lifestyle. This is because it is individual preferences or busy schedule that they are not able to cook at home and left with no choice but to eat from outside. So, it does not mean that they also have to pay huge amount of money for health care. On the other hand, if government makes laws to increase the health care cost for individuals who are liable for their health issues makes people less likely to adopt for passive lifestyle. This in turn inculcates the habit of excercising and reducing comsumption of junk foods which leads to obesity and other health issues such as diabetes, heart stroke and cancer. For instance, US president “John Biden” has passed the rule that people who are treated in obesity health center are required to pay 10% more than taking regular health facilities. As a result of it, many individuals are choosing to remain fit instead of paying more. In conculsion, although everyone has right to access equal
It is irrefutable that with the advent of technology, the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to past.
However
, it
also
leads to sedentary lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who are responsible for their ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
caused by unhygienic and less nutritious diet
are required
to pay more for accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities.
However
, one cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the right of equality in getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities.

On the one hand, everyone, irrespective of ill or healthy should have equal right in getting proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities at reasonable price as they paid taxes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invested building infrastructure
was generated
from public, which means that public can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it whenever they want.
Moreover
, it is against the law to behave
differently
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to their lifestyle. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
preferences or busy schedule that they are not able to cook at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to eat from outside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it does not mean that they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay huge amount of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

On the other hand
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
laws to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care cost for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are liable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less likely to adopt for passive lifestyle. This in turn inculcates the habit of
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercising
and reducing
Possible spelling mistake found.
comsumption
of junk foods which leads to obesity and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as diabetes, heart stroke and cancer.
For instance
, US president “John Biden” has passed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are treated
in obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
center
are required
to pay 10% more than taking regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities.
As a result
of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are choosing to remain fit
instead
of paying more.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conculsion
, although everyone has right to access equal
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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