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do you agree or disagree? people today live longer than they were in the past

people today live longer than they were in the past kYL9W
Since the beginning of the current century, people have become healthier than they were in the past. To put it in other word, nowadays, people can take care of their health, so they can live longer than ever before. From my perspective, the main reasons of this phenomenon are the advancements in the technology and people are more aware of healthy behaviors. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more details. The first and foremost point, in the past, life was very simple, and technology was primitive. Thus, many cures and vaccines did not exist. On the other hand, in the last two decades, the technological innovations have improved dramatically, which give researchers chance to make many medicinal advancements that seem impossible to past generations. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on what was elaborated above is, in 1960, with technology scientists invented the first artificial heart, and surgeons attempted the first live transplantation. Moreover, these medical improvements saved many people’s lives, and the death rate has declined drastically. In addition to that, the US government use technology to amplify its heath care system; hence, Americans can easily access the care. Provided that they follow up with their primer doctors and do annual checks, they can discover any disease early, which increase the chance of recovery. Consequently, technology plays an essential role in lengthen people’ lifespan. Next, coupled with medical technological advances, awareness of healthy attitudes is another conspicuous reason why people live longer than ever before. To be more elucidate, this days, people are more educated and have a broad knowledge about the healthy behaviors. For instance, People in the developed countries, such as Canada and the United State of America are accustomed to playing exercise, which reduce the risk of many disease, such as heart strokes and diabetes. Furthermore, in markets, there are availability of various organic fruits and vegetables, which have been cultivated without pesticides or chemicals. People in the American and Canadian society are aware that pesticides are harmful, so they opt for eating organic food. Likewise, the less exposed to these devastating materials, the less prone to many diseases, such as cancer. As A result, having idea about the healthy eating habits improves people’s health significantly. Taking everything into consideration, without a a doubt, people nowadays live more time, not only because of the technology advancements, but also better eating practices. It is suggested that governments put more fuds to educate communities about healthy behaviors through ongoing advertisements and programs.
Since the beginning of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become healthier than they were in the past. To put it in other word, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take care of their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. From my perspective, the main reasons of this phenomenon are the advancements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
behaviors. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting points in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The
first
and foremost point, in the past, life was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was primitive.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cures and vaccines did not exist.
On the other hand
, in the last two decades, the technological innovations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
dramatically
, which give researchers chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medicinal advancements that seem impossible to past generations. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above is, in 1960, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
scientists invented the
first
artificial heart, and surgeons attempted the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
transplantation.
Moreover
, these medical improvements saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and the death rate has declined
drastically
.
In addition
to that, the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to amplify its heath care system;
hence
, Americans can
easily
access the care. Provided that they follow up with their primer doctors and do annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
, they can discover any disease early, which increase the chance of recovery.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an essential role in lengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
lifespan.

Next
, coupled with medical technological advances, awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
attitudes is another conspicuous reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. To be more elucidate,
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more educated and have a broad knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
behaviors.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Canada and the United State of America
are accustomed
to
The usual collocation for an activity that does not end in "-ing" and is not something you can win is "do" not "go" or "play." Revise: "doing exercise".
playing exercise
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
Possible agreement error. The noun disease seems to be countable; consider using: "many diseases".
many disease
, such as heart strokes and diabetes.
Furthermore
, in markets, there are availability of various organic fruits and vegetables, which have
been cultivated
without pesticides or chemicals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the American and Canadian society are aware that pesticides are harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they opt for eating organic food.
Likewise
, the less exposed to these devastating materials, the less prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, such as cancer.
As A result
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health
significantly
.

Taking everything into consideration, without
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more time, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advancements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
better eating practices. It
is suggested
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
put more
Possible spelling mistake found.
fuds
to educate communities about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
behaviors through ongoing advertisements and programs.
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IELTS essay people today live longer than they were in the past

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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