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People think learning school subject is more important than learning science of food

People think learning school subject is more important than learning science of food aAM87
Majority of people believe that spending time in studying school material is more essential among wasting time in learning cooking, and science of food, I absoulitely disagree this opinion because I'm interested in cooking rather studying. First of all, education is the key to build generations and create the civillization. However, without learning, the figures of unemployee will increase. For instance, if people don't aware for their learning, it will stop the life, the wastes and the crime will gradual rise, it wont be carrers. Morever, mathmatiques and sciences are the most important subjects that must all of the sudents to develop theirself in studies. Thus, if we looked around we will see we're living in an urpan community with a huge technology, while the technology comes from a hard worker people that they gain their knowledge from education. On the other hand, people who're interested in cooking, it's a great way to develop their hobbies by learning the science of food. To give a clear example, one of my best hobbies is cooking. I started with this hobby since I was 8 years old while I'm imitiating my grandmother's work, subsequently I started watching youtube videos which they helped me enough, as now I could say that I become proffesional in some dishes and the way of serving. This opinion argued by some of people who say the cooking only for females, but I strongly disagree, because nothing that can stop the both genders. In my view, I believe that learning science of food is much important for me because I'm interested in it, following this, I'm also a hard working student that I considered the study from my primary work.
Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending time in studying school material is more essential among wasting time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
cooking, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of food, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
absoulitely
disagree this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I'm interested in cooking
rather
studying.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, education is the key to build generations and create the
Possible spelling mistake found.
civillization
.
However
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, the figures of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployee
will increase.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't aware for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the life, the wastes and the crime will gradual rise, it
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
be
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrers
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mathmatiques
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Consider using "all the".
all of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudents
to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirself
in studies.
Thus
, if we looked around we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
we're living in an
Possible spelling mistake found.
urpan
community with a huge technology, while the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they gain their knowledge from education.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who're interested in cooking, it's a great way to develop their hobbies by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of food. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, one of my best hobbies is cooking. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with this hobby since I was 8 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
while I'm
Possible spelling mistake found.
imitiating
my grandmother's work,
subsequently
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
videos which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I could say that I become
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dishes and the way of serving. This opinion argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who say the cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for females,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
disagree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nothing that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the both genders. In my view, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of food is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I'm interested in it, following this, I'm
also
a
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
student that I considered the study from my primary work.
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IELTS essay People think learning school subject is more important than learning science of food

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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