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People spend too much time and money on fashion. Do you agree or disagree?

For many centuries, people always paid attention on fashion and design. Although to cost, many humans want to feel and look beautiful in new and fashionable clothes. I agree that people spend too much time and money on fashion. Firstly, many humans interest on fashion. People in fashion industry and people who want to keep up with fashion really spend too much time on clothes, bags or shoes. But, not all fashionable clothes costs very expensive, for example many designer bags or clothes have a cheap alternative in mass markets. Therefore, people who interest on fashion spend much time to find alternatives in mass markets to spend less money. Secondly, for many people fashion helps to feel more confident. For instance: many teenagers pay attention on your clothes, bags and shoes, if you want to match peers, you will need to work with your style and spend much time or money on this. Additionally, comfortable and fashionable clothes are making people to feel their selves more confident and beautiful. To conclude, it does not matter what clothes you wear and how much it cost. The important factor is to feel comfortable and confident in clothes that you wear.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always paid attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and design. Although to cost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
humans want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
and look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
in new and fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on fashion.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
humans interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, bags or shoes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, not all fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive,
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
designer bags or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
alternative in mass markets.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to find alternatives in mass markets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less money.

Secondly
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more confident.
For instance
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
pay attention on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, bags and shoes, if you want to match peers, you will need to work with your style and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or money on this.
Additionally
, comfortable and fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
their selves more confident and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.

To conclude
, it does not matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
you wear and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
it cost. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
comfortable and confident in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
that you wear.
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IELTS essay People spend too much time and money on fashion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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