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People say that a child's success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People say that a child's success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. Mprq
People believe that child's success is depend upon how parents have grown them. I believe that children's achievements is not just depends only on how they parents have taught them but also other external factors, such as playing sports, learning academic subjects, reading books, help them succeed in their life. To commence with, parents play vital role in their children's holistic development. They instills good virtues in their children's mind from at tender age, which help children to learn how to behave properly with elders and publicly. Also, children can learn financial management from their parents, which can be helpful when they go out for their higher education or work. For example, they can learn how to manage their expenses, such as house rent, mobile bill, electricity bill. Furthermore, while growing up children, parents can explain them what is right and wrong, so that when children become adult they will know everything happening around them is right or wrong and not fall into any trap. Also, parents explain them correct use of technology, which help in their homework and to explore research topics online. Consequently, This help them in the future and can bring success in their life. I believe that, there are other factors also play important role in children's success apart from parents guidance. Children who play sports such as, cricket or football, through which they learn necessary skills, namely leadership, communication, teamwork, which help them in future to achieve their goals. Furthermore, children can learn science in their academic subject and also by watching sci-fi movies or documentary which help them to broaden their horizons and which is not possible by parents to teach them while growing up. To conclude, I believe that children's success is not just depend upon parents bringing up. Children also learn many important skills, such as cognitive skill and intellectual skills, from their teachers, playing sports, and participating in competition, which is highly required for their success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
upon how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have grown them. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
achievements


is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on how they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have taught them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other external factors, such as playing sports,

learning academic subjects, reading books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them succeed in their life.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play vital role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
holistic development. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "instill".
instills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
virtues in their children'
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
s


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
mind
from at tender age, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to behave
properly
with elders and
publicly
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
financial
management from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which can be helpful when they go out for their higher education or work.
For example
,

they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to manage their expenses, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent, mobile bill, electricity bill.

Furthermore
, while growing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
them
what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become adult

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will know everything happening around them is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and not fall into any trap.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them correct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
technology, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in their homework and to explore research topics online.
Consequently
, This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the future

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their life.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that, there are other factors
also
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
guidance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who play

sports such as, cricket or football, through which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
namely
leadership, communication, teamwork, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help


them in future to achieve their goals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
science in their academic subject and
also
by watching sci-fi movies

or documentary which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to broaden their horizons and which is not possible by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach them while growing up.

To conclude
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depend upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bringing up.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
as


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, from their teachers, playing sports, and participating in competition, which is
highly
required for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay People say that a child's success is dependent on the way parents bring them up.

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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