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people now can live longer which of the following do you think is the main reason for this phenomenontechnological improvementimprove people dietimprovement in the education

people now can live longer which of the following do you think is the main reason for this phenomenontechnological improvementimprove people dietimprovement in the education 7aKkn
Since the beginning of the current century, people have been healthier than they were in the past. Even though some people believe that life in the past was less stressful, which helped people to be more energized, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective, nowadays, people have a longer lifespan because of technological improvements, which play a vital role in the development of medical equipment and solving various environmental problems. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more detail. The first and foremost point, health care system in the past was rudimentary given that technology was primitive. To put it in other words, lots of vaccines and cures did not exist in the past. On the other hand, improvement in technology helps scientists doing various research to promote health services. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on what was elaborated above is, in 2001, doctor Magdy Yacoub, who is a famous cardiologist, used technology to manufacture the first artificial heart. This approach saved many people’s lives, till now more than fifteen million persons from more than twenty countries have been treated. Furthermore, technology helped surgeons to improve the procedures of liver and kidney transplantation, which have increased the rate of success of these surgeries. Consequently, technology is imperative to increase people’s longevity. Next, coupled with medical technological improvements, finding a solution to an abundance of environmental problems is another reason why technology helps people to live longer. Nowadays, nature encounters many problems, such as air pollution, water contamination and global warming. In the last three decades, technology has helped people to find a solution to all these problems, so people can live healthier. For instance, last month, I read an article about the earth and it stated that, two years ago, a new computer program was invented to reduce global warming by eighty percent, so it could save the world from devasting consequences. In addition to that, this program could also reduces the amount of carbon dioxide in the air, so people could breathe fresh air, which reduce the risk of many diseases, such as asthma and COPD. As a result, technology is significant for people to live longer. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, technology is one of the most integral reasons that increases people’s lifespan. It is suggested that advocates for education in order to continue to progress and develop.
Since the beginning of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been healthier than they were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
was less stressful, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more energized, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a longer lifespan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological improvements, which play a vital role in the development of medical equipment and solving various environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting points in more detail.

The
first
and foremost point, health care system in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
was rudimentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was primitive. To put it
in other words
, lots of vaccines and cures did not exist in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
On the other hand
, improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
scientists doing various research to promote health services. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above is, in 2001, doctor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Magdy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yacoub
, who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cardiologist,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to manufacture the
first
artificial heart. This approach saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more than fifteen million persons from more than twenty countries have
been treated
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
surgeons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the procedures of liver and kidney transplantation, which have increased the rate of success of these surgeries.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is imperative to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
longevity.

Next
, coupled with medical technological improvements, finding a solution to an abundance of environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer. Nowadays, nature encounters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as air pollution, water contamination and global warming. In the last three decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a solution to all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthier.
For instance
, last month, I read an article about the earth and it stated that, two years ago, a new computer program
was invented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
global warming by eighty percent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it could save the world from
Possible spelling mistake found.
devasting
consequences.
In addition
to that, this program could
also
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "reduce"
reduces
the amount of carbon dioxide in the air,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could breathe fresh air, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, such as asthma and COPD.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is one of the most integral reasons that increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifespan. It
is suggested
that advocates for education in order to continue to progress and develop.
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IELTS essay people now can live longer which of the following do you think is the main reason for this phenomenontechnological improvementimprove people dietimprovement in the education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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