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people move to other places away from home. does this development have more advantages or disadvantages.

people move to other places away from home. does this development have more advantages or disadvantages. mbjwN
As people grow up and maturity hits the level, better quality education and work get prioritized. So, it is vital to leave home and explore new locations for betterment. I find it appealing to move to various other places for work or studies which overpowers the disadvantages. The main disadvantage could be the gradual weakening relationship with the family members and friends. It arises because of a mismatch in timing or workloads. When a person gets engaged to work, he rarely has any time for making a phone call to the parent. Due to busy schedules, ultimately, one feels tired, exhausted. Then, only rest could revive the energy in a person. Hence, the connection between loved ones gets faded. Nevertheless, being away from home means more independence and fewer restrictions. One can focus totally on the work and career without any disturbances from the family members. Students find it more convenient to concentrate on their academics rather than wasting their time looking after the family. Recent studies have shown more people prefer to be away from their native places and start a life in suitable cities or countries. It helps them to be more open to the outer world and to be courageous. The overall view tells us that people should find a place which suits them and benefit them in their development and personal growth. Even though moving away from home could for work purposes is crucial, one should always make efforts to hold the bond strength between the families and friends and be always grateful for the actions and sacrifices made by the family.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
grow up and maturity hits the level, better quality education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prioritized.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home and explore new locations for betterment. I find it appealing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to various other places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or studies which overpowers the disadvantages.

The main disadvantage could be the gradual weakening relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and friends. It arises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a mismatch in timing or workloads. When a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
engaged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he rarely has any time for making a phone call to the parent. Due to busy schedules,
ultimately
, one feels tired, exhausted. Then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rest could revive the energy in a person.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
faded.

Nevertheless
, being away from home means more independence and fewer restrictions. One can focus
totally
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and career without any disturbances from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Students find it more convenient to concentrate on their academics
rather
than wasting their time looking after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Recent studies have shown more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to be away from their native places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a life in suitable cities or countries. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be more open to the outer world and to be courageous.

The
overall
view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should find a place which suits them and benefit them in their development and personal growth.
Even though
moving away from home could for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
purposes is crucial, one should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to hold the bond strength between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends and be always grateful for the actions and sacrifices made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay people move to other places away from home. does this development have more advantages or disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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