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People move from rural areas to big cities when they become adults. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

People move from rural areas to big cities when they become adults. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? Kn1WM
It has been noticed that young people are migrating from the countryside to urban areas. This could be happening due to a plethora of reasons, such as better life quality and more job opportunities. I think this trend can be viewed as positive and negative at the same time. The first compelling reason why young people move to big cities is the luxurious lifestyle they can have there. In other words, it’s well known that mainly the health and educational sectors in cities compared to rural areas are way more advanced. Moreover, big cities provide more amusement for youngsters due to the attractive entertainment centers and facilities. The second reason why adults choose the center, is having more career opportunities there with higher salaries. To illustrate more, when adults get their university degree it will be difficult to find a post in the countryside that would fit this degree. Work in rural areas is limited to farming or handmade tasks which are not within the experience or ambitions of a graduate adult. On the other hand, although shifting to the center has some merits, it can be viewed as unfavorable as well. Firstly, leaving rural areas will keep these regions without skilled trade workers, thus this will affect the agricultural and industrial production of the territory as well as the whole country. Secondly, migration in huge numbers leads to overcrowded urban fields. Furthermore, the consequences of overpopulation in cities will be traffic jams, high pollution, and a stressful, rushed lifestyle. In conclusion, there are some justified reasons for adults to relocate to big cities. However, people and the government should try to keep balance between the population in rural areas and urban ones so that it won’t have an impact on the economy and social life of a country.
It has
been noticed
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating from the countryside to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This could be happening due to a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, such as better life quality and more job opportunities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this trend can
be viewed
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
at the same time.

The
first
compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the luxurious lifestyle they can have there.
In other words
, it’s well known that
mainly
the health and educational sectors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are way more advanced.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide more amusement for youngsters due to the attractive entertainment centers and facilities. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why adults choose the center, is having more career opportunities there with higher salaries. To illustrate more, when adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their university degree it will be difficult to find a post in the countryside that would fit this degree. Work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is limited
to farming or handmade tasks which are not within the experience or ambitions of a graduate adult.

On the other hand
, although shifting to the center has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, it can
be viewed
as unfavorable
as well
.
Firstly
, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these regions without skilled trade workers,
thus
this will affect the agricultural and industrial production of the territory
as well
as the whole country.
Secondly
, migration in huge numbers leads to overcrowded urban fields.
Furthermore
, the consequences of overpopulation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will be traffic jams, high pollution, and a stressful, rushed lifestyle.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for adults to relocate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance between the population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and urban ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it won’t have an impact on the economy and social life of a country.
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IELTS essay People move from rural areas to big cities when they become adults. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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