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People living in the twenty-first century have better standards of living than people who lived in the past. To what extent [completely/ absolutely --- partly/ somehow] agree or disagree?

People living in the twenty-first century have better standards of living than people who lived in the past. kYWOM
I am partly agree with the opinion that peoples of the 21st century are living with higher standards compares to those who lived in previous times. We cannot look only into the bright side with various improvements and skip issues that arise recently in our modern world. On the one hand, it can be denied that owing to numerous technological developments and medical breakthroughs, our world in the 21st century is far more convenient than it used to be in our ancestors time. First, the invention of robots and internet have pushed the standards of living to a greatly higher level. In fact, It is obvious that robots are playing an increasingly important role in our lives. They are used in factories for the ability to work continuously with accuracy. They also support people to do heavy, dangerous jobs such as constructing, mining, etc. Second, people have changes to live a longer, healthier life thanks to medical breakthroughs. Sciences has found out many vaccines and cures for numerous illnesses. Taking malaria as an example. Although million lives had been taken because of malaria in the past but now we don’t have to worry about this disease as our parents did. On the other hand, in some parts of the world, several peoples are still suffering from wars, poverty, environmental and social problems. In most of the metropolis cities, as a result of vast growing in the population, peoples are facing with many issues related to traffic, air pollution, accommodation, unemployment, etc. Moreover, it is a fact that in third-world countries, where civil wars, crimes and poverty are common, basic needs such as peace, food and home seem to be luxury stuffs. Therefore, those unlucky peoples do not reach the the advantages of the century. In conclusion, although improvements and inventions, which benefit our life and solve various problems of the past, have been made in plenty aspects of the world, humanity nowadays still have to figure out solutions for many other issues in order to ensure the higher standard of living for people all around the world.
I am partly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
of the 21st century are living with higher standards compares to those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in previous times. We cannot look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
into the bright side with various improvements and skip issues that arise recently in our modern world.

On the one hand, it can
be denied
that owing to numerous technological developments and medical breakthroughs, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in the 21st century is far more convenient than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in our ancestors time.
First
, the invention of robots and internet have pushed the standards of living to a
greatly
higher level. In fact, It is obvious that robots are playing an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in factories for the ability to work
continuously
with accuracy. They
also
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do heavy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
jobs such as constructing, mining, etc. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a longer, healthier life thanks to medical breakthroughs.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Science has", "science has".
Sciences has
found out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vaccines and cures for numerous illnesses. Taking malaria as an example. Although
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
had
been taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of malaria in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about this disease as our parents did.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are
still
suffering from wars, poverty, environmental and social problems. In most of the metropolis cities,
as a result
of vast growing in the population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are facing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues related to traffic, air pollution, accommodation, unemployment, etc.
Moreover
, it is a fact that in third-world countries, where civil wars, crimes and poverty are common, basic needs such as peace, food and home seem to be luxury stuffs.
Therefore
, those unlucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
do not reach
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
advantages of the century.

In conclusion
, although improvements and inventions, which benefit our life and solve various problems of the past, have
been made
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, humanity nowadays
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
figure out solutions for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other issues in order to ensure the higher standard of living for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
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IELTS essay People living in the twenty-first century have better standards of living than people who lived in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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