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People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. 9KEp
According to few people, the most vital thing about being rich is that it allows a person a chance to assist other people. However, I believe other qualities in a person also matter. To start with, it is irrefutable that one should be financially strong to help others, but other qualities are essential. First, it is paramount of importance to have a good heart, because while most of the people are busy making money, such people believe helping others, apart from this it also makes them generous person, who is ready to donate the needy. Second, a person’s upbringing should also be considered, because most parents focus only on academic knowledge, rather than social knowledge and character building, which not only makes a person confident in life but also successful in a career. Moreover, a suitable environment, where everyone shows kindness to each other is also crucial, because people living in a society learn from each other, so this will affect the children’s behavior toward others, and their descendants will inherit from them. Besides, money is also required but not in large quantity, because if a person cannot help himself then he can not help others so having money is also crucial. For example, an eminent personality from the country India, worshipped as a god, because he helped millions of people to evacuate from a place, which was a restricted area, but still he manages to assist everyone just because of his good heart and upbringing, which plays a vital role in a life of a person. To conclude, money is a necessary factor, but other qualities matters, a person also needs to have a good heart and a good upbringing then only he could show kindness towards others and could help others.
According
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to
few
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people
, the most vital thing about being rich is that it
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allows
a
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person
a chance to assist
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other
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people
.
However
, I believe
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other
qualities in a
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person
also
matter.

To
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start
with, it is irrefutable that one should be
financially
strong to
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help
others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
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other
qualities are essential.
First
, it is paramount of importance to have a
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good
heart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while most of the
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people
are busy making
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money
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe helping others, apart from this it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them generous
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person
, who is ready to donate the needy. Second, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
upbringing should
also
be considered
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most parents focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on academic knowledge,
rather
than social knowledge and character building, which not
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
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person
confident in life
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but
also
successful in a career.

Moreover
, a suitable environment, where everyone
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shows
kindness to each
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other
is
also
crucial,
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because
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people
living in a society learn from each
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other
,
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so
this will affect the children’s behavior toward others, and their descendants will inherit from them.
Besides
,
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money
is
also
required
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but
not in large quantity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a
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person
cannot
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help
himself then he can not
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help
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
having
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money
is
also
crucial.
For example
, an eminent personality from the country India,
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshipped' is British English.
worshipped
as a god,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to evacuate from a place, which was a restricted area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
he manages to assist everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
heart and upbringing, which plays a vital role in a life of a person.

To conclude
,
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money
is a necessary factor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
qualities matters, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
also
needs to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
heart and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
upbringing then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
kindness towards others and could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others.
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IELTS essay People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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