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People have to spend more and more time away from their home. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this?

People have to spend more and more time away from their home. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this? kb3OW
Spending time away from home is increasingly common among citizens in these days. The reason behind this phenomenon is that the conditions of life have changed significantly so the people have to make an adaptation. This negatively affects the relationships between family members because of the lack of time they spend for each other. To begin with, this situation is caused by two main factors. First, employees nowadays usually have to travel a longer distance from home to work as most of the big companies is located in non-residential areas. Second, the industrialization has remarkably influenced the whole world, leading to a larger and more sophisticated workload, making the workers have to spend 8 to 10 hours per day at work. As a result, the individuals have to spend more time outside of their homes. Regarding the impacts of this phenomenon, it is obvious that the employees’ relationships in the family will be severely influenced, as they cannot spend enough time for it. Specifically, a family requires interactions between each member in order to sustain the bonding of it. If an individual does not spend enough time at home, that family will have less interactions, making it easier to be broken. Consequently, the relationships of the people would be seriously affected, especially in the family if they spend more time away from their homes. To conclude, from my perspective, people spend more and more time outside their homes is a result of the longer distance when they travel to work as well as the bigger amount of complicated tasks, due to the industrialization. All of this will lead to a higher chance of broking family since the workers cannot spend sufficient time for the family members.
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from home is
increasingly
common among citizens in these days. The reason behind this phenomenon is that the conditions of life have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an adaptation. This
negatively
affects the relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
for each other.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this situation
is caused
by two main factors.
First
, employees nowadays
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel a longer distance from home to work as most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is located
in non-residential areas. Second, the industrialization has
remarkably
influenced the whole world, leading to a larger and more sophisticated workload, making the workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
8 to 10 hours per day at work.
As a result
, the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their homes.

Regarding the impacts of this phenomenon, it is obvious that the employees’ relationships in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be
severely
influenced, as they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for it.
Specifically
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
requires interactions between each member in order to sustain the bonding of it. If an individual does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun interactions is countable.
less
interactions, making it easier to
be broken
.
Consequently
, the relationships of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from their homes.

To conclude
, from my perspective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is a result of the longer distance when they travel to work
as well
as the bigger amount of complicated tasks, due to the industrialization. All of this will lead to a higher chance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
broking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
since the workers cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
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IELTS essay People have to spend more and more time away from their home. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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