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people being successful because of their hard working

people being successful because of their hard working yDxGd
Whether people being successful because of their hard working or not seems to be controversial. A number of people argue that chance has no any impact on succeed. However, I tend to believe that luck has a portion in our successful. The primary reason why I am supporting my idea lies in the fact that for being successful, we need to have two features. The most important part is hard working. The second section is based on our chance. Indeed, chance play an important role in succeed. If you are a good luck person, this feature will help you. While, if you are a bad luck individual, it can cause to fail you. My personal example is a compelling illustration of this. My friend and I had a same exam. During the test his pen broke, and he did not have any alternative pen. Hence, he lost his time, but I was answering all questions without any problem. We both were really prepared for the exam, but my friend was bad luck, and I had a good chance. As a result, I passed the exam and gained the prize. Another subtle point that I should be consider is the fact that luck can give us motivation and power. In other words, luck play a role as a motivation or accelerator. This factor gives us more energy for being successful. If we accept that we are good luck person, this notion influences on our power and cause victories. For instance, last year I participated in marathon match. I was not completely prepared for that event, but I believed that as a good luck person, I would be successful. Finally, this thought helped me. I won the prize. Indeed, I know that my chance and my thoughts pushed me toward the prize. According to the reasons have been discussed in the preceding paragraphs it can be claimed that both hard working and luck have part in succeed. Sometimes luck plays a motivating role and sometimes has a crucial impact on succeed.
Whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
or not seems to be controversial. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that chance has
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
However
, I tend to believe that luck has a portion in our successful.

The primary reason why I am supporting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, we need to have two features. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part is
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second section
is based
on our chance.
Indeed
, chance play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
. If you are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
luck person, this feature will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you. While, if you are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck individual, it can cause to fail you. My personal example is a compelling illustration of this. My friend and I had a same exam. During the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
his pen broke, and he did not have any alternative pen.
Hence
, he lost his time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was answering all questions without any problem. We both were
really
prepared for the exam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my friend was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck, and I had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
chance.
As a result
, I passed the exam and gained the prize.

Another subtle point that I should be
Consider using the past participle "considered"?
consider
is the fact that luck can give us motivation and power.
In other words
, luck play a role as a motivation or accelerator. This factor gives us more energy for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. If we accept that we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
luck person, this notion influences on our power and cause victories.
For instance
, last year I participated in marathon match. I was not completely prepared for that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believed that as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
luck person, I would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Finally
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me. I won the prize.
Indeed
, I know that my chance and my thoughts pushed me toward the prize.

According to the reasons have
been discussed
in the preceding paragraphs it can
be claimed
that both
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and luck have part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
luck plays a motivating role and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
has a crucial impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
.
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IELTS essay people being successful because of their hard working

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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