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People are living longer today than in the past. How do you explain this?

People are living longer today than in the past. How do you explain this? ljLqo
It’s obviously that people are living longer than before which are rely on many factors. The fundamental factors which are considered would be medication and food. In the past, the medical knowledge and facilities were far behind; if people get sick, they will choose take rest because of consult a doctor is luxury; not everyone can afford. Only rich people can afford the doctor’s fee; therefore if someone got serious ill may not recover by their own. Also, particular sickness has no effective medicine or vaccine such as smallpox. Smallpox is highly infection, so that’s the reason why people in the past will die so fast. Once people infected without proper medication, the dead rate in the past is high. But now, we have matured developed on vaccine, medication and radiology help the world to fight and prevent deceases, therefore in today most of the human being will live longer. Besides medication, healthy food is another factor for people can live longer nowadays. Living standard for most people were poor in the past, they can’t pay for nutrient and healthy food to support their daily body intake requirement. Have enough food to feed is hard to fulfill, they might only have very basic food like sweet potato or sweet corn; even don’t have another choice on food varieties. However, people in this century can eat whatever they like, meat, poultry, organic veggie, cereal and fruit, etc. We have enough nutrition to support our life. As conclude, when compared previous decade and today, people are benefit from technology on way of growing food to maximize the yield to cater the global needs, experiment on medication to minimize the deceases to make people can live longer. However, we have to start concern about population aging people that will have very soon.
It’s
obviously
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
which are
Consider using a past participle here: "relied".
rely
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. The fundamental factors which
are considered
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
and food.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, the medical knowledge and facilities were far behind; if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, they will choose take rest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consult a doctor is luxury; not everyone can afford.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford the doctor’s fee;
therefore
if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
serious ill may not recover by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Also
, particular sickness has no effective medicine or vaccine such as smallpox. Smallpox is
highly
infection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that’s the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
infected without proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
, the dead rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we have matured developed on vaccine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
and radiology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the world to fight and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
deceases,
therefore
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most of the human being will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.

Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is another factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer nowadays. Living standard for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were poor in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, they can’t pay for nutrient and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to support their daily body intake requirement. Have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to feed is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fulfill, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like sweet potato or sweet corn; even don’t have another choice on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
varieties.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this century can eat whatever they like, meat, poultry, organic veggie, cereal and fruit, etc. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrition to support our life.

As conclude, when compared previous decade and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are benefit from technology on way of growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to maximize the yield to cater the global needs, experiment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
to minimize the deceases to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
concern about population aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
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IELTS essay People are living longer today than in the past. How do you explain this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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