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People are eating a variety of foods these days which encourages the flow of food from every corner of the world to local supermarket. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Why?

People are eating a variety of foods these days which encourages the flow of food from every corner of the world to local supermarket. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Why? eboDA
The advancement in sectors such as technology, aviation and many more has pampered the human lifestyle. Of Late, it is argued that masses are consuming distinct type of cuisines in recent years and this has stimulated the flow of food from every nook and corner to local markets. This essay intends to show why this is a positive development. Based on my knowledge, a bunch of points can be mentioned to show this is a positive approach. To commence with, this trend allows people to have the pleasure of eating various delicious cuisines. To elaborate, in recent years, the eating style of individuals have undergone dramatic changes. Unlike past, masses these days are more likely to taste food from all around globe because of their foodie nature. Moreover, people have busiest schedule and they have to work round the clock and left with insufficient time to prepare food by themselves. By virtue of this, they have tendency to visit supermarkets where they purchase different international cuisines. Besides this, sometimes people have rough day at work and they really enjoy consuming their favourite international dish to rejuvenate and relax themselves. This can merely be possible if food from every corner of world is delivered to local markets. Needless to say, this positive happening is on the rise. Further emphasizing on my point of view. Initially, this happening can provides business and avail employment opportunities. To demonstrate, entrepreneurs from distinct nations have chance to establish and expand their business so that their profits can hikes. Adding to it, this trend can offer jobs to thousands of needy people. As a result, problems ranging from unemployment to poverty can be diminished. To recapitulate, undeniably, this trend has few shortcomings. I, however, still assert that merits of this approach are more weightier than demerits. There by, I consider this a positive development.
The advancement in sectors such as technology, aviation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more has pampered the human lifestyle. Of Late, it
is argued
that masses are consuming distinct type of cuisines in recent years and this has stimulated the flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from every nook and corner to local markets. This essay intends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development.

Based on my knowledge, a bunch of points can
be mentioned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
approach. To commence with, this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have the pleasure of eating various delicious cuisines. To elaborate, in recent years, the eating style of individuals have undergone dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Unlike past, masses these days are more likely to taste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from all around globe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their foodie nature.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the busiest".
busiest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedule and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work round the clock and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with insufficient time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by themselves. By virtue of this, they have tendency to visit supermarkets where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
international cuisines.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have rough day at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
really
enjoy consuming their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
international dish to rejuvenate and relax themselves. This can
merely
be possible if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from every corner of world
is delivered
to local markets. Needless to say, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
happening is on the rise.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my point of view.
Initially
, this happening can provides business and avail employment opportunities. To demonstrate, entrepreneurs from distinct nations have chance to establish and expand their business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their profits can hikes. Adding to it, this trend can offer jobs to thousands of needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, problems ranging from unemployment to poverty can
be diminished
.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
, this trend has few shortcomings. I,
however
,
still
assert that merits of this approach are
Use only "weightier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more weightier
than demerits. There by, I consider this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development.
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IELTS essay People are eating a variety of foods these days which encourages the flow of food from every corner of the world to local supermarket. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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