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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? qlOr
Numerous of people used drinks which contains huge number of sugar. In my book. Government should do awareness campaigns consumption of sugar Firstly, IT needs a knowledge of side effects of the sugar and the diseases related to consuming of sugar. The development countries consume a huge number of sugar everyday with their coffee and tea. They also drinks soda drinks and, it is made from sugar. Many people also, related eating sugar with their sadness situation and, at their pressure time helps making them superb. For example at any party weeding, birthday and engagement must have cake which contains a numerous of sugar and chocolate which is catastrophe for high pressure and diabetes The TV commercial makes marketing about many food and drinks. While people watching TV and saw these advertising they thinking about ordered it and eating this. They persuade that after eating this meal they will be jubilant. In fact they will be on the contrary their bodies will be damage. Studies shown that many people have diabetes and takes insulin due to their life style and eating unhealthy foods. Government must make an advertising about the atrocious of consumed a plethora of sugar everyday. Sugar also cause fat and nowadays many people try to do diet to loss wight. Despite their trying they can not due to the sugar at their drinks. In conclusion, the sugar is a white passion it damage our body and cause several diseases. People must have the knowledge of the harmful of it and start to decrease using it.
Numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
which contains huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. In my book.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should do awareness campaigns consumption of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
sugar


Firstly
, IT needs a knowledge of side effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and the diseases related to consuming of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. The development countries consume a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
with their coffee and tea. They
also
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "drink"
drinks
soda
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and, it
is made
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
, related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
with their sadness situation and, at their pressure time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to make" or "make".
making
them superb.
For example
at any party weeding, birthday and engagement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have cake which contains
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and chocolate which is catastrophe for high pressure and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
diabetes


The TV commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
marketing about
Use "much" or "little" with uncountable nouns.
many
food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching TV and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
these advertising
Did you mean "they're thinking", "they are thinking", or "they were thinking"?
they thinking
about ordered it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
this. They persuade that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
this meal they will be jubilant. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, they".
fact they
will be
on the contrary
their bodies will be damage. Studies shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have diabetes and takes insulin due to their life style and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthy foods.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an advertising about
The phrase 'the atrocious of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the atrocious of
consumed a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sugar
also
cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to do diet to loss wight. Despite their trying they can not due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
at their drinks.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is a white passion it
Did you mean "damages"?
damage
our body and cause several diseases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the knowledge of
The phrase 'the harmful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the harmful of
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to decrease using it.
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IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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