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Parents should stop putting too much pressure on their children to study and they should give their children more time to relax. What do you think about this statement? From your own experience, write a passage of about 200-220 words to express your opinion

Parents should stop putting too much pressure on their children to study and they should give their children more time to relax. What do you think about this statement? From your own experience, write a passage of about 200-220 words to express your opinion a8NQV
It is claimed that parents should stop putting so much pressure on their children to study and they should give their children more time to relax. In my opinion, I totally agree with this statement. Firstly, due to stiff competition in the market, parents fears, their children lagging behind and in the process, pressurize kids to stand top in the class. To illustrate this, due to cut-throat competition, the pace of learning has become very rapid and it has become mandatory for every ward to catch up with the come. This in turn results in children burdened with stress, which is hard to handle. Secondly, parents impose their unfulfilled dreams on minors to see kids turning them into reality. It is often seen that parents bet hike on youngsters to achieve goals attached to their emotions which load strain on children's brain of not letting their parents' dream shatter. Thirdly, success defines the standard of life and almost everyone craves for it by doing the hard work themselves or expecting from their kids. However, in my view, this leads to augmentation in suicide rates among students. This is because of children's fear of failure and dependency on the future on markets rather than interpersonal skills. To exemplify, a career like doctors and engineers require intensive study of 14 to 16 hours a day including extra classes. When after such a serious effort, students fail to get selected, they opt to end of life due to failure and letting their parent's expectations be unfulfilled. Furthermore, unnecessary tension leads to psychological problems which are hard to cure. In present times, doctors agree that there is an unexpected increase in cases related to study pressure and fear of failure among pupils. Finally, the development of kids is affected in a negative way due to the burden of the syllabus. Lack of knowledge about various career options also contribute to following the crowd blindly resulting in extra pressure by parents on their kids. In conclusion, in these hard times, the strain put on children to achieve the impossible put parents in a grim situation to think seriously about this and I also hold the view to stop putting pressure on kids to succeed, rather helping them to enjoy every task they do in life.
It
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they should give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more time to relax. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to stiff competition in the market,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fears, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lagging behind and in the process, pressurize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to stand top in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. To illustrate this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition, the pace of learning has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapid and it has become mandatory for every ward to catch up with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This in turn results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
burdened with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to handle.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
impose their unfulfilled dreams on minors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
turning them into reality. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bet hike on youngsters to achieve goals attached to their emotions which load strain on children's brain of not letting their parents' dream shatter.
Thirdly
, success defines the standard of life and almost everyone craves for it by doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work themselves or expecting from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
However
, in my view, this leads to augmentation in suicide rates among students. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of children's fear of failure and dependency on the future on markets
rather
than interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To exemplify, a career like doctors and engineers require intensive study of 14 to 16 hours a day including extra classes. When after such a serious effort, students fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected, they opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to failure and letting their parent's expectations
be unfulfilled
.
Furthermore
, unnecessary tension leads to psychological problems which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to cure. In present times, doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there is an unexpected increase in cases related to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and fear of failure among pupils.
Finally
, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the burden of the syllabus. Lack of knowledge about various career
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
options


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
contribute to following the crowd
blindly
resulting in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on their kids.

In conclusion
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
times, the strain put on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve the impossible put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a grim situation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
seriously
about this and I
also
hold the view to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to succeed,
rather
helping them to enjoy every task they do in life.
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IELTS essay Parents should stop putting too much pressure on their children to study and they should give their children more time to relax. What do you think about this statement? From your own experience, write a passage of about 200-220 words to express your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Parents should stop putting too much pressure on their children to study and they should give their children more time to relax. What do you think about this statement? From your own experience, write a passage of about 200-220 words to express your opinion