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parents should encourage their teenage children to take part-time jobs

parents should encourage their teenage children to take part-time jobs m1DjN
In the last three decades, having a part-time job is significant for young people's lives. Some people believe that their children should not work before graduation because they have to focus on studying academic subjects. However, there is a substantial body of evidence that claims that parents should encourage their young adults to take a part-time job. Form a personal perspective; the latter opinion carries more weight given that it has a positive impact on young people's skills and confidence. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more detail. The first and foremost point, provided that youngsters start their practical life early, they could promote their skills. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on that is the pharmacy schools' students in California who start to work as pharmacy assistants before graduation could enhance their experience and boots their fundamental knowledge. To put it in other words, working in a pharmacy could help them in their study and amplify their ability to discover a career path. Furthermore, they could learn many skills, such as planning, organizing and dealing with patients especially angry ones. In addition to that, they could meet new people and expand their social networks, which improves their communication skills. Consequently, working at a young age is significant. Next, coupled with functional skills, confidence is another virtue of having a part-time job. Although working at a young age could put young people under stress, it could help them to take responsibility. For instance, Steve Jobs, the famous entrepreneur and the chief of Apple company, said that when he was young, his parents encouraged him to take responsibility and start his practical life early, which helped him to earn money, manage his budget and be financially independent. Moreover, he mentioned that working a part-time job had integral benefits given that it taught him to pass many tremendous odds and go against his fear so that he could start his own business with confidence. Therefore, taking a part-time job is essential for future success. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, parents should encourage their teenage children to take part-time jobs, because it could not only enhance their skills, but also promote their experience. It is suggested that students compromise and ensure that their work does not interfere with their academic performance.
In the last three decades, having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that their children should not work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on studying academic subjects.
However
, there is a substantial body of evidence that claims that parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Form a personal perspective; the latter opinion carries more weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and confidence. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting points in more detail.

The
first
and foremost point, provided that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their practical life early, they could promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on
that is
the pharmacy schools' students in California who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to work as pharmacy assistants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation could enhance their experience and boots their fundamental knowledge. To put it
in other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a pharmacy could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their study and amplify their ability to discover a career path.
Furthermore
, they could learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as planning, organizing and dealing with patients
especially
angry ones.
In addition
to that, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and expand their social networks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age is significant.

Next
, coupled with functional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, confidence is another virtue of having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age could put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to take responsibility.
For instance
, Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entrepreneur and the chief of Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, said that when he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, his parents encouraged him to take responsibility and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
his practical life early, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to earn money, manage his budget and be
financially
independent.
Moreover
, he mentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
had integral benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that it taught him to pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tremendous odds and go against his fear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with confidence.
Therefore
, taking a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is essential for future success.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, parents should encourage their teenage children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promote their experience. It
is suggested
that students compromise and ensure that their work does not interfere with their academic performance.
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IELTS essay parents should encourage their teenage children to take part-time jobs

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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