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parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. to much extent do you agree or disagree?

parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. to much extent Lq19V
children should be encouraged by their fathers and mother to concentrate more on physical activities than studying. I completely disagree with this statement and I firmly believe that it should exist equality between these two issues. I shall explain my opinion In the forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, It can not be declined that parents have responsibilities about educating their children which one of them is how to make a balance between essential activities such as studying and physical activities. Due to this fact, parents should not encourage children to ignore their must and pay all of their attention to another one because it might be possible that child has not any tendency to that field which parents have interest in and causes bad effects on child mentally, the psychologist said. furthermore, one of the most important features of human beings is their will to choose. As an individual they must have their own choice, then accept its results. It is so important for a youngster to feel independence. it not only means that parents should not leave children by themselves but also their activities should be monitored by parents while the sense of independence is given to them. In other words, children who are nurtured by this method, doubtless in adolescence will be more beneficial to society and find their sufficient role much sooner than other peers. Additionally, physical activities and studying complete each other in process of upbringing a child, and they cause a qualified life together. for instance, several athletes have university degrees and championships alongside. To recapitulate, I should reiterate my opinion About disagreement whith the statement and I firmly believe that all it should be balanced between all of individuals activities and parents have not to force children to focus on one field and ignore another one.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
should
be encouraged
by their fathers and mother to concentrate more on physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than studying. I completely disagree with this statement and I
firmly
believe that it should exist equality between these two issues. I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion In the forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It can not
be declined
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have responsibilities about educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which one of them is how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance between essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as studying and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Due to this fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
and pay all of their attention to another one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might be possible that child has not any tendency to that field which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have interest in and causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on child mentally, the psychologist said.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
features of human beings is their will to choose. As an individual they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice, then accept its results. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a youngster to feel independence.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be monitored
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
while the sense of independence is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are nurtured
by this method, doubtless in adolescence will be more beneficial to society and find their sufficient role much sooner than other peers.
Additionally
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and studying complete each other in process of upbringing a child, and they cause a qualified life together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, several athletes have university degrees and championships alongside.

To recapitulate, I should reiterate my opinion About disagreement
Possible spelling mistake found.
whith
the statement and I
firmly
believe that all it should
be balanced
between
Consider using "all individuals" or "all of the individuals".
all of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have not to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on one field and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
another one.
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IELTS essay parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. to much extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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