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do you agree or disagree? parents could offer their children money for each high grade

parents could offer their children money for each high grade wBXpE
Recently, parents have played a very crucial role in shaping their kids' personalities. Some people believe that if parents offer their children money for getting high grades in schools, they could spoil them; however, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective, it is a creative idea to give children money for each high grade given that parents could improve their children's financial responsibilities and motivations. The first and foremost point, provided that students get rewards for their excellence, they could be encouraged to study more. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on that is, high school students in Egypyt who get money from their parents for their high grades usually could admit to prestigious universities given that their parents encourage them to study. Furthermore, this approach could have a virtue on children's personalities; to put it in another way, they could be taught how to set goals and crystalize objectives, which help them to build up their future with prosperity. Consequently, offering children money for their high grades is indespensible. Next, coupled with motivation to succeed, financial responsibility is another benefit of giving students money rewards for their excellence. This approach could teach children how to handle their own budgets. For instance, an abundance of succussful entrepreneurs in California claims that one of the most important factor of their financial success is that their parents offered them money for their high grades given that it taught them how to be not only savvy, but also financially independent. Likewise, it amplified their confidence, which helped them to go up aganist tremendous odds and overcome their fear. Therefore, money reward is imperative for sa successful life. Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, offering school-age children money for each high grade has integral virtues and underestimating the significance of these benefits is not logical. it is suggested parenst teach their kids about momey before givging it to them as rewards.
Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial role in shaping their kids' personalities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
in schools, they could spoil them;
however
, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective, it is a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their children's financial responsibilities and motivations.

The
first
and foremost point, provided that students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
for their excellence, they could
be encouraged
to study more. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on
that is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school students in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Egypyt
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
usually
could admit to prestigious universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage them to study.
Furthermore
, this approach could have a virtue on children's personalities; to put it in another way, they could
be taught
how to set goals and
Possible spelling mistake found.
crystalize
objectives, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build up their future with prosperity.
Consequently
, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
indespensible
.

Next
, coupled with motivation to succeed, financial responsibility is another benefit of giving students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
for their excellence. This approach could teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to handle their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budgets.
For instance
, an abundance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
succussful
entrepreneurs in California claims that one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor of their financial success is that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
offered them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that it taught them how to be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
savvy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
financially
independent.
Likewise
, it amplified their confidence, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to go up
Possible spelling mistake found.
aganist
tremendous odds and overcome their fear.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
is imperative for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sa
successful life.

Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, offering school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
has integral virtues and underestimating the significance of these benefits is not logical.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is suggested
Possible spelling mistake found.
parenst
teach their kids about
Possible spelling mistake found.
momey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake found.
givging
it to them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
.
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IELTS essay parents could offer their children money for each high grade

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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