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taking risks is one of the most important factors of success?

taking risks is one of the most important factors of success? 0Amj3
In the last three decades, life has become very competitive. Some people believe that taking risks is one of the most crucial factors of success; however, others claim that people who do things that familiar to them are safer than those who try new things. From a personal perspective, it is better to take risks and try new things given that people could broaden their experience, enhance their confidence and provide opportunities for enjoyment. The first and foremost point, people who take risks could live better. For instance, people in developing countries, such as Egypt, Indonesia and China take risks and immigrate to developed countries, such as Canda and the United State hoping for a better life. To put it in another way, people who leave their comfort zones, which is their families and cultures and begin their life in new countries, could improve their life by gain new skills and experiences; furthermore, they could boost their financial situation, which is not only good for themselves, but also for their kids. Consequently, taking risks has indispensable benefits. Next, coupled with experience, confidence is another virtue of trying new things. youngsters who take challenges and start their practical life at young ages, usually expand their intelligence and augment their understanding. A vivid example of that an abundances successful entrepreneurs in California started to work at young ages, so they got chances to maximize their horizons; which helped them to build up their own business with confidence. Moreover, they have been learned how to go up against tremendous odds and overcome their fears. Therefore, taking risks is imperative for a successful life. Ultimately, people need to take risks to enjoy their time. For example, there are various amazing and striking adventure games, such as skydiving and parasailing. People who try these games feel more interesting and could see life from other perspectives. As a result, trying new things makes people more energized and engaging. Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, taking risks has incredible virtues. It is suggested that schools design learning activities to teach their students the benefits of taking risks.
In the last three decades,
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life
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
is one of the most crucial factors of success;
however
, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do things that familiar to them are safer than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. From a personal perspective, it is better to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could broaden their experience, enhance their confidence and provide opportunities for enjoyment.

The
first
and foremost point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, such as Egypt, Indonesia and China take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and immigrate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canda
and the United State hoping for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To put it in another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zones, which is their families and cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
countries, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
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life
by gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiences;
furthermore
, they could boost their financial situation, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their kids.
Consequently
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
has indispensable benefits.

Next
, coupled with experience, confidence is another virtue of trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take challenges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at young ages,
usually
expand their intelligence and augment their understanding. A vivid example of that
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an abundance" or simply "abundances"?
an abundances
successful entrepreneurs in California
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work at young ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chances to maximize their horizons; which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with confidence.
Moreover
, they have
been learned
how to go up against tremendous odds and overcome their fears.
Therefore
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
is imperative for a successful life.

Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to take
The verb 'risks' is used with the gerund form: "risks enjoying".
risks to enjoy
their time.
For example
, there are various amazing and striking adventure games, such as skydiving and parasailing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try these games feel more interesting and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from other perspectives.
As a result
, trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more energized and engaging.

Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
has incredible virtues. It
is suggested
that schools design learning activities to teach their students the benefits of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
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IELTS essay taking risks is one of the most important factors of success?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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