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parents buy many toys for children

parents buy many toys for children VyjB6
Some children are provided with plenty of toys by their parents. Having access to numerous playthings includes positive and negative points for children which this essay will discuss. Owning many toys comes with some advantages for children. Firstly, such children are likely to develop their cognitive skills. This is because many playthings available on the market these days are designed to serve educational purposes. To illustrate, Legos are made to polish creativity and problem-solving skills in children, or remote car toys can facilitate brain-hand coordination. Therefore, playing with many such toys would lead to better skills in these areas. Secondly, owning many toys would result in more fun hours for children. . Children, particularly toddlers and preschoolers are capricious and their toys and tned to be bored with their toys soon. However, those with more toys can immediately turn to playing with another one once they are bored, thus keeping themselves entertained for long hours. On the other hand, the drawbacks of purchasing many toys for children are not negligible. One of them is, lack of social interaction in children. Obviously, as many toys on the market, such as remote toys, puzzles are played at home individually and they spend many hours playing them, children could develop reluctances to communicate with peers. This could lead to lack of sociability, which would adversely affect their teamwork skills as well as ability to communicate their thoughts and feeling to other people. . Furthermore, providing many toys that children want might make them greedy and spoiled with unreasonably high expectations of their parents. This could affect their behavior adversely in adulthood. When these children reach adulthood, it is very likely that they would want their parents to buy them expensive things like a fancy car and if their parents cannot afford it, they would feel depressed. In conclusion, on the one hand, owning many toys for children could contribute to better cognitive skills along with more joyful time. On the other hand, undeveloped communication skills and higher expectations are some adverse points of owning numerous playthings. Therefore, from my point of view, parents need to be cautious as to how many toys they purchase for their children so as to avoid or minimize the negative effects. .
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Having access to numerous playthings includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which this essay will discuss.

Owning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to develop their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
playthings available on the market these days
are designed
to serve educational purposes. To illustrate, Legos
are made
to polish creativity and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, or remote car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can facilitate brain-hand coordination.
Therefore
, playing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in these areas.
Secondly
, owning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would result in more fun hours for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
,
particularly
toddlers and preschoolers are capricious and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tned
to
be bored
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
However
, those with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can immediately turn to playing with another one once they
are bored
,
thus
keeping themselves entertained for long hours.

On the other hand
, the drawbacks of purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not negligible. One of them is, lack of social interaction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Obviously
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
on the market, such as remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, puzzles
are played
at home
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individually and
they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours playing them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
reluctances
to communicate with peers. This could lead to lack of sociability, which would
adversely
affect their teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
as ability to communicate their thoughts and feeling to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Furthermore
, providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them greedy and spoiled with
unreasonably
high expectations of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This could affect their behavior
adversely
in adulthood. When these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reach adulthood, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that they would want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them expensive things like a fancy car and if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot afford it, they would feel depressed.

In conclusion
, on the one hand, owning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could contribute to better cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
along with more joyful time.
On the other hand
, undeveloped communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and higher expectations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse points of owning numerous playthings.
Therefore
, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to be cautious as to how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid or minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay parents buy many toys for children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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