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Parents attempt to create motivation for their children in various ways.

Parents attempt to create motivation for their children in various ways. 7aKp2
Parents attempt to create motivation for their children in various ways. Some people think the best way to persuade children to read and practice more is by giving them money. Others hold the view that it has a negative impact on children over time. Personally, I think although it might encourage kids in a short time, in contrast, it causes several problems in the long term. The following paragraph will aptly substantiate my viewpoint. First, the motivation for reading and practicing should be intrinsic. If parents give money to them, children will become addicted to getting money for every good thing that they want to do. Thus if they know they don't get any money, they will not read and do their homework anymore. Parents aren't always with children, so they can't support children forever. Children should learn that getting good marks are good for their future and it is greater motivation for them than receiving money. My nephew is the best example of it. When he began school, my brother gives him a gift or money as he got good marks each time. After one year, we found that he was accustomed to giving gifts, each time when he didn't get a gift he wouldn't study for the next exam. It was very bad for his education because at that time he missed some important concepts that he quit because he didn't receive anything. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it has bad effects on children's education. This is because children become addicted to receiving money. Thus, when they don't have motivation finally their learning becomes worse.
Parents attempt to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in various ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the best way to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to read and practice more is by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Others hold the view that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
although it might encourage kids in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
in contrast
, it causes several problems in the long term. The following paragraph will
aptly
substantiate my viewpoint.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
for reading and practicing should be intrinsic. If parents give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become addicted to getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing that they want to do.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if they know they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they will not read and do their homework anymore. Parents aren't always with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can't support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
forever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should learn that getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
marks are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for their future and it is greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
for them than receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. My nephew is the best example of it. When he began school, my brother gives him a gift or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
marks each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After one year, we found that he
was accustomed
to giving gifts, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when he didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a gift he wouldn't study for the
next
exam. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for his education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he missed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concepts that he quit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he didn't receive anything.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on children's education. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become addicted to receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thus
, when they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
finally
their learning becomes worse.
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IELTS essay Parents attempt to create motivation for their children in various ways.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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