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Parents are forcing children to do a part-time job. What the advantages and disadvantages of a part-time job?

Parents are forcing children to do a part-time job. What the advantages and disadvantages of a part-time job? BaDYd
In the modern world, when everyone competes against each other, it could be hard for someone to land their dream job without previous working experience. And parents are, more than ever, concerned about their children. University students often pursue a part-time job as they complete their academics. A paranoid parent, worried about their child's future, might force him to take up such a job, as it is the popular option. One of the advantages of doing a part-time job is that it becomes another source of income for the family and it can take a little bit of burden away from the primary bread earner. The child can learn to be independent and self-sufficient as his needs will be more than satisfied with what he earns for himself. A taste of the real world will help him prepare, for the life to come and challenges to face. However, the disadvantages might outweigh the boons for some. A part-time job creates a demand for the child physically and mentally. A hectic day at work is unavoidable. As one gets enervated from an action-packed day, good long rest becomes a necessity. This gradually turns into a routine and the child would soon find himself in a position where he is unable to find time to refresh what he learned in school. The child might even find it difficult to cope up with the pressures from both his school and work. Part-time jobs are immensely helpful when considering the fact that it gives a person the required experience to land in his dream job without demanding much of their time. However, the choice of whether to take up such a job or to dedicate the entire time for preparation and studies should rest with the child.
In the modern world, when everyone competes against each other, it could be
hard
for someone to land their dream
job
without previous working experience. And parents are, more than ever, concerned about their children. University students
often
pursue a part-time
job
as they complete their academics. A paranoid parent, worried about their child's future, might force him to take up such a
job
, as it is the popular option. One of the advantages of doing a part-time
job
is that it becomes another source of income for the family and it can take a
little bit
of burden away from the primary bread earner. The
child
can learn to be independent and self-sufficient as his needs will be more than satisfied with what he earns for himself. A taste of the real world will
help
him prepare, for the life to
come
and challenges
to face
.
However
, the disadvantages might outweigh the boons for
some
. A part-time
job
creates a demand for the
child
physically
and mentally. A hectic day at work is unavoidable. As one
gets
enervated from an action-packed day,
good
long rest becomes a necessity. This
gradually
turns into a routine and the
child
would
soon
find himself in a position where he is unable to find time to refresh what he learned in school. The
child
might even find it difficult to cope up with the pressures from both his school and work. Part-time
jobs
are
immensely
helpful when considering the fact that it gives a person the required experience to land in his dream
job
without demanding much of their time.
However
, the choice of whether to take up such a
job
or to dedicate the entire time for preparation and studies should rest with the
child
.
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IELTS essay Parents are forcing children to do a part-time job. What the advantages and disadvantages of a part-time job?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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