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Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. dK0r
Children are mostly bought up with a set of rules and regulations around them which are imposed by their parents and tutors in order to make them well-behaving individual and to safeguard from any dangers. A few people believe that kids will be happy if fewer restrictions are imposed on them and more liberation is given. I agree with the argument that juveniles deserve more freedom; however, they should be monitored and made to follow the ordinances that are set out for them. Firstly, children too undergo tension and problems. When they are granted independence they have the opportunity to talk about their problems with their parents and teachers. For instance, today kids enjoy more freedom with their guardians and they talk about things openly. Since they are offered this freedom we get to know what problems they face and we can guide them on their issues. Whereas, when children do not have the freedom to express their problems with their parents they go into depression because they are worried and scared. Secondly, too much restriction will indeed have a pessimistic impact on children psychologically. Likewise, whenever they are caged more and more, they develop a rebellious attitude within themselves which might burst out in future. For example, there was an incident in the newspaper, where a teenage kid was denied a mobile phone for several days to play. As a result, the child in anger left the house and lost the way while coming back home. Hence, once kids are tied up there is a high chance that they take extreme steps which parents and teachers will have to regret later. Hence, a few necessary rules and greater emancipation will help the overall benefit of an individual from childhood. In conclusion, it is true that we can not give total freedom to kids, as they do not know what is good or bad for them. According to my opinion, fewer desirable rules and greater freedom serve the purpose of shaping the child into a good individual.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
up with a set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations around them which
are imposed
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and tutors in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them well-behaving individual and to
The usual collocation for "safeguard" is "against" not "from". Did you mean "safeguard against"?
safeguard from
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will be happy if fewer restrictions
are imposed
on them and more liberation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that juveniles deserve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
;
however
, they should
be monitored
and made to follow the ordinances that
are set
out for them.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Did you mean "to undergo"?
too undergo
tension and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. When they
are granted
independence they have the opportunity to talk about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
guardians and
they talk about things
openly
. Since they
are offered
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
face and
we can guide them on their issues. Whereas, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they go into depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are worried
and scared.

Secondly
, too much restriction will
indeed
have a pessimistic impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychologically
.
Likewise
, whenever they
are caged
more and more, they develop a rebellious attitude within themselves which might burst out
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For example
, there was an incident in the newspaper, where a teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
was denied
a mobile phone for several days to play.
As a result
, the child in anger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and lost the way while coming back home.
Hence
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are tied
up there is a high chance that they take extreme steps which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
regret later.
Hence
, a few necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and greater emancipation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
overall
benefit of an individual from childhood.

In conclusion
, it is true that we can not give total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, as they do not know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them. According to my opinion, fewer desirable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
serve the purpose of shaping the child into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
individual.
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IELTS essay Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?