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Children spend more time on additional study activity and less time in play. What is the reason? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Children spend more time on additional study activity and less time in play. What is the reason? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? 153Q7
It is an undeniable fact that most youngsters spend their time on studying. Education is essential for children since it can provide numerous benefits for their development. However, play time should not be decrease. This essay will demonstrates the cause of this problem and why it is a negative development. The main reason that cause an increasing amount of time in additional study is because of parents. They influence their child to study rather than play because they believe it will benefits them in the future. In today world, the population are increasing and this lead to competition among the job than previous generation. People beleaguered youngsters with degrees will have higher chance of being accepted in the job. As a result, parents force their children to study which decrease amount of time, and this is a negative development of youngsters. Spending less play time is a negative development for two main reasons. First, it effect children physical health. Play time provide activities which can improve their physical health. In young age, children who spend less time in play are fragile and more likely to become ill. This may also lead to diseases in the future such as cancer. Second, play time provide an opportunity for children to make friends. For example, when they are playing hide and seek, interaction are required to explain the rules. After these rules are explained, children need to find place to hide and this is when their friendship started to form. Children need to find the best place to hide so they will have to communicate with each others to win the game. As a result, they will become familiar with each others and this will also make them have something in common which result in topic for communication. Therefore, play time is essential for children development. In conclusion, children spend more time in study because of parents. They believe it will benefits their child future. However, less play time is negative development since play time can provide physical health benefits and an opportunity to make friends.
It is an undeniable fact that most youngsters spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on studying. Education is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should not be decrease. This essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "demonstrate"
demonstrates
the cause of this problem and why it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. The main reason that cause an increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of parents. They influence their child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
them in the future. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world, the population are increasing and this lead to competition among the job than previous generation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
beleaguered youngsters with degrees will have higher chance of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the job.
As a result
, parents force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
which decrease amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of youngsters. Spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for two main reasons.
First
, it
Did you mean "effects"?
effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physical health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
activities which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical health. In young age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
are fragile and more likely to become ill. This may
also
lead to diseases in the future such as cancer. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
For example
, when they are playing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
, interaction
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. After these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to find place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
and this is when their friendship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to form.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to find the best place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
to win the game.
As a result
, they will become familiar with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
and this will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have something in common which result in topic for communication.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
In conclusion
,
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children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of parents. They believe it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
their child future.
However
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
physical health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
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IELTS essay Children spend more time on additional study activity and less time in play. What is the reason? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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