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Over the last twenty years, more people prefer watching movies at home using the Internet or on television.

Over the last twenty years, more people prefer watching movies at home using the Internet or on television. mK8d
Over the last twenty years, more people prefer watching movies at home using the Internet or on television. Some believe that current cinema will decline in popularity in the near future. Others, however, reject this view and claim that advances in technology do not diminish the appeal of going to the movies and theatre. In my opinion, I have approximately agreed with this idea. The first reason why cinemas are being vastly dominated by TV and computer is that this traditional entertainment type is becoming outdated and inconvenient. While these days technology is constantly evolving, people expect the most convenient way to enjoy themselves after work or study. Thus, going to a cinema seems to not provide such a requirement. In the digital movies, individuals can access their purchased content immediately without having to wait in line for a ticket. Likewise, people find it more comfortable watching films on television in their bedrooms and go to sleep when they are tired. The second reason is that buying tickets at the movie theatre is relatively more expensive compared to watching online films and television series. These days, there is absolutely no competition for cinemas against digital content in terms of prices. Many online services are currently selling contents permanently for the price of under 5000 Tomans per film, whereas viewers have to pay 15000 to 20000 Tomans for a cinema ticket each time. Additionally, the extra cost of travelling to theatre locations is also another reason that prevents people from going to these cinemas. Based on these facts, movie theatres are certainly becoming an unfavourable choice to the people. In conclusion, I believe that cinema business will be radically annihilated by the expansion of home entertainment systems in the near future.
Over the last twenty years, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home using the Internet or on television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
will decline in popularity in the near future. Others,
however
, reject this view and claim that advances in technology do not diminish the appeal of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. In my opinion, I have approximately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
are being
vastly
dominated by TV and computer is that this traditional entertainment type is becoming outdated and inconvenient. While these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
technology is
constantly
evolving,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the most convenient way to enjoy themselves after work or study.
Thus
, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
seems to not provide such a requirement. In the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, individuals can access their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
content immediately without having to wait in line for a ticket.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it more comfortable watching films on television in their bedrooms and go to sleep when they
are tired
.

The second reason is that buying tickets at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is
relatively
more expensive compared to watching online films and television series. These days, there is
absolutely
no competition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
against digital content in terms of prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
online services are
currently
selling contents
permanently
for the price of under 5000
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tomans
per film, whereas viewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay 15000 to 20000
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tomans
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
ticket each time.
Additionally
, the extra cost of travelling to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
locations is
also
another reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from going to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. Based on these facts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are
certainly
becoming an
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
choice to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
business will be
radically
annihilated by the expansion of home entertainment systems in the near future.
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IELTS essay Over the last twenty years, more people prefer watching movies at home using the Internet or on television.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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