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Organized tours to remote community and other countries are increasingly popular. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Organized tours to remote community and other countries are increasingly popular. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? 0BnQq
It is true that curiosity for package tours increases everyday. Organized tours have a lot of advantages for many people. Although some people think that they have disadvantages too. To begin with, increasing package holiday tours to rural and urban areas has a lot of benefits. Firstly, many organized holidays have local guides who can answer your questions about everything. For example, you are interested in traditional buildings and you saw many ancient buildings which you have no idea about them. At this time you can ask and guide give you information. Secondly, in organized holidays everything is predictable, so in advance you can see what you will do or where you will go and you can get ready due to this plan. If you have limited time, it will be so useful for you. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages to travel with package holidays. One of these drawbacks is that a person, who travels, cannot be comfortable during tour, because there aresome people whom you do not know. Of course, this can affect to your rest, but I think that it will not be good effect. To conclude, although organized holidays have some disadvantages, they have a lot of advantages which overcome drawbacks. However, each kind of journey is so useful for travellers.
It is true that curiosity for package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
increases
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have disadvantages too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, increasing package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
to rural and urban areas has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
have local guides who can answer your questions about everything.
For example
, you
are interested
in traditional buildings and you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ancient buildings which you have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about them. At this time you can ask and guide give you information.
Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
everything is predictable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in advance you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what you will do or where you will go and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready due to this plan. If you have limited time, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful for you.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to travel with package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. One of these drawbacks is that a person, who travels, cannot be comfortable during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
Possible spelling mistake found.
aresome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whom you do not know.
Of course
, this can affect to your rest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages which overcome drawbacks.
However
, each kind of journey is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

IELTS essay Organized tours to remote community and other countries are increasingly popular. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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