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One year ago we introduced our first product, Bargain Brand breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us b

One year ago we introduced our first product, Bargain Brand breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us b n6xm7
In the memo, it can be learned that the director of Bargain Brand Cereal attempted to broad their business and sell more low price food. What motived him to make such decision is the success of the company’s cereal business. Although his argument may seem to be reasonable at the first glimpse, it is vulnerable to refutations since it is based on several untenable line of reasonings. First of all, the leader of Bargain Brand Cereal believes that their strategy in selling cheap cereal is successful. Therefore, this indicated that low-priced products are alluring for customers. Nevertheless, since the only data he has is the statistics last year, the argument is in fact tenuous. There may be possibilities that consumers are no longer interested in the low priced cereals in the future. As a result, in order to make such an argument amenable, the director should extend the length of observation. Another reason why his recommendation may sound unfounded is he attempts to extend the experience on cereal to other product without any reason. The customers of different food may be extremely heterogeneous. Thus, the success on cereal should not be apply to other products. Besides, is it possible that alternative factors may actually be the motive for people to buy the cereal Bargain Brand Cereal produced? This may be a better reason to explain why other companies can’t surpass in this market by undercutting their price. The condiments they add in the cereal, or the shape of them, may be the reason why kids preferred them than other products, which made the parents bought the, more often, If this the reason why Bargain Brand Cereal made a huge success in cereal, then introducing new cheap products won’t be a wise decision. Most importantly, based on previous success, the authority of Bargain Brand Cereal decided not only to introduce more products, they also seeks to extend their business. Where their markets were weren’t given, and it may be merely a satellite city which population isn’t large. It may be questioned if applying such experience to more competitive cities reasonable. The reason why their business was successful previously may be tributes to fewer rivalries, and the situations may be really different if they attempt to enlarge their business. The reasons given above explains why the suggestion given by the director of Bargain Brand Cereal isn’t reasonable. The business probably need to broach a discussion before final decision have been made.
In the memo, it can
be learned
that the director of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
attempted to broad their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and sell more low price food. What
Possible spelling mistake found.
motived
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such decision is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Although his argument may seem to be reasonable at the
first
glimpse, it is vulnerable to refutations since it
is based
on several untenable line of
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonings
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the leader of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
believes that their strategy in selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
is successful.
Therefore
, this indicated that low-priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are alluring for customers.
Nevertheless
, since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
data he has is the statistics last year, the argument is in fact tenuous. There may be possibilities that consumers are no longer interested in the low priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereals
in the future.
As a result
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such an argument amenable, the director should extend the length of observation.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why his recommendation may sound unfounded is he attempts to extend the experience on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
. The customers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
food may be
extremely
heterogeneous.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "applied".
apply
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Besides
, is it possible that alternative factors may actually be the motive for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
produced? This may be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can’t surpass in this market by undercutting their price. The condiments they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
, or the shape of them, may be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why kids preferred them than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which made the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, If this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
made a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cereal
, then introducing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
won’t be a wise decision.

Most
importantly
, based on previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, the authority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
decided not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to introduce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they
also
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seek"
seeks
to extend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Where their markets were weren’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, and it may be
merely
a satellite city which population isn’t large. It may
be questioned
if applying such experience to more competitive cities reasonable. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
was successful previously may be tributes to fewer rivalries, and the situations may be
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
if they attempt to enlarge their business.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why the suggestion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the director of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cereal
isn’t reasonable.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
probably
need to broach a discussion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
final decision have
been made
.
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IELTS essay One year ago we introduced our first product, Bargain Brand breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us b

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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