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closing the shop at 6 00 PM

closing the shop at 6 00 PM Dlqgj
The author’s argument of implementing the changes in the other nine stores as implemented in the downtown store is many ambiguous assumptions and fails to mention several factors on basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws. First of all the author need to answer the question that by reducing the operating cost at the downtown store, did it improved the profit or it made more loss than the previous operating strategy. As it could be the case that closing the shop at 6: 00 PM may lead to very little sales of the rental videos. Hence, the proper analysis of the profit percentage needs to be mentioned after the implication of new changes. The location of the other nine stores is not mentioned. The demographic location of the nine stores needs to answer by the author. The same rule might not be implicated to the store located in the countryside. Furthermore, it could be the case that most of the customers visit the store after 6: 00 PM. This would further reduce the profit of the store. Hence proper data about the customer visiting the store need to take into account before implementing the change. Moreover, the percentage of the people preferring old movies also might vary from place to place. Hence, the store in downtown might have less sales of old movies but in other place people tends to but the old movies. It may due to the age group of people living around. Hence, it is very important for author to answer about the population age distribution in the location where the store is located. This could also be very crucial befor coming to a strong conclusion of implementing the same changes t all the nine stores. In conclusion, the argument is flawed due to the above-mentioned reasons and therefore implausible. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts to support the conclusion that the similar changes in other stores would help in gaining more profit.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
of implementing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
as implemented in the downtown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ambiguous assumptions and fails to mention several factors on basis of which it could
be evaluated
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
relies on assumptions for which there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is unconvincing and has several flaws.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to answer the question that by reducing the operating cost at the downtown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, did it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
or it made more loss than the previous operating strategy. As it could be the case that closing the shop at 6: 00 PM may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
sales of the rental videos.
Hence
, the proper analysis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be mentioned
after the implication of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

The location of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is not mentioned. The demographic location of the nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to answer by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
might not
be implicated
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
located in the countryside.
Furthermore
, it could be the case that most of the customers visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
after 6: 00 PM. This would
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
proper data about the customer visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
implementing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

Moreover
, the percentage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
movies
also
might vary from place to place.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
in downtown might have less sales of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
movies. It may due to the age group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living around.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
to answer about the population age distribution in the location where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
is located
. This could
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial
Possible spelling mistake found.
befor
coming to a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
of implementing the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
t all the nine stores.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is flawed
due to the above-mentioned reasons and
therefore
implausible. It could be
considerably
strengthened if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
clearly
mentioned all the relevant facts to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
that the similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in gaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
.
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IELTS essay closing the shop at 6 00 PM

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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