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one person who inspries me

one person who inspries me R7jW
We all have tough times in our lives. Sometimes we can't find courage or motivation or take inspiration. But everyone has one person in life who gives advice or life lessons or motivation or inspiration. That could be a singer, actor, writer but mine is a dancer. Who changed my life and bring my life joy and happiness or excitement. Who encouraged me. He s not that famous but he will be. he is changing them life every person in his lie. His name is Ömer Yeşilbaş and he is the first person to inspire me and make my dreams come true. Firstly ı want to tell his life a little bit because he has such a special and inspirational life. ı think everyone has to know. He was born in Izmir in 1980. He is actually from diyarbakır. His family not that rich and he wasn't go to college because of money and he has taken care of his family and he has to work. He started to dance when he was 22 with his friends' support. he always wanted to be a dancer and he wanted to change something in our country. But at this point that was impossible for him. He has a lot of responsibilities. But he didn't give up. He worked a lot. He traveled for an hour to go to dance school without having money, without eating, and with hitchhiking. A few years later he joined a competition and he won it. And after that, his life just started. When he first opened Dansfabrika is just a small company. But it grew and It became a well-known large company. First, he had no idea what he is doing or even this is right or not but he didn't know what it is going to be in five years. Now he is working with Nike and other big companies. He is teaching ever very in this world. Like America, Bulgaria, Poland, Germany etc. He is taking care of his family very well and in the end, he is living his dreams. He is growing each day, learning new things. And most importantly in our country, something is changed. He did what he said. Now he is sharing his knowledge with us. İn our first lesson, he said that we shouldn't give up and we shouldn't even think to give up because thinking give up for losers. that changed my life. İn each class we just didn't dance we learned how to dance and how to express our feelings and show what we feel. I was a very shy and introverted person went ı was first going there. ı was afraid of the crowd and people. But know ı changed ı feel ore comfortable and relax. And now ı feel like ı can make it happen everything if ı really want to. Because ı have power and he gave me that courage to understand my power and abilities and everything helped me understand who I am ad what ı capable of. in conclusion, his passion and dedication to dance is so huge. And he is never give up and he is even never think to give up. These are my inspiration for everything. And he expect from us show our passion emotion, feelings, our dedication. And thank to him ı learned these things from him. He has such a huge knowledge. He wants to pass it on to everyone. And he is representing our country to the whole world. And he is changing something in the world. And we will hear his name more each an each day.
We all have tough times in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we can't find courage or motivation or take inspiration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
everyone has one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
advice or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons or motivation or inspiration. That could be a singer, actor, writer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mine is a dancer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and bring my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
joy and happiness or excitement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
encouraged me.
It seems that an apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "He's"?
He s
not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he will be. he is changing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in his lie. His name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ömer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Yeşilbaş and
he is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to inspire me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

Firstly
ı want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has such a special and inspirational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ı
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
know. He
was born
in Izmir in 1980. He is actually from
Possible spelling mistake found.
diyarbakır
. His family not that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rich and
he wasn't go to college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
he has taken care of his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
when he was 22 with his friends' support.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
always wanted to be a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dancer and
he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
something in our country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at this point that was impossible for him. He has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
he didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up. He worked a lot. He traveled for an hour to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
school without having money, without eating, and with hitchhiking. A few years later he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
competition and
he won it. And after that, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
opened
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dansfabrika
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it grew and It became a well-known large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
First
, he had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what he is doing or even this is right or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he didn't know what it is going to be in five years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is working with Nike and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. He is teaching ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
in this world. Like America, Bulgaria, Poland, Germany etc. He is taking care of his family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he is living his dreams. He is growing each day, learning new things. And most
importantly
in our country, something is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. He did what he said.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is sharing his knowledge with us.

Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
our f
irst
lesson, he said that we shouldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
we shouldn't even t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hink
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause
thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up for losers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hanged
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
each cl
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ass w
e ju
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
st d
idn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
we learned how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
and how to express our feelings and sh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ow w
hat we feel. I was a ve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ry s
hy and introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
went ı was fi
rst g
oing there.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ı
was afraid of the crowd and pe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ople.
Bu
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
t k
now ı ch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
anged ı
feel ore comfortable and relax. And no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
w ı
feel like ı can ma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ke i
t happen everything if ı
really
want to. Be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
cause ı
have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
power and
he gave me that courage to understand my power and abilities and everything he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lped m
e understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
I am ad what ı capable of.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion,
his passion and dedication to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
is so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
h
uge. And he is never
Consider using a past participle here: "given".
give
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
he is even never th
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ink t
o
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up. These are my inspiration for everything. And he ex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pect f
rom us sh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ow o
ur passion emotion, feelings, our dedication. And thank to him ı learned these things from him. He has such
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge knowledge".
a huge knowledge
. He wants to pass it on to everyone. And he is representing our country to the whole world. And he is changing something in the world.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
And
we will hear his name more each
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "each" is left.
an each
day.
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IELTS essay one person who inspries me

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
602 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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