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In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience.

In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. jBOw
Nowadays, people around the world have many health issues due to their choice of an unhealthy way of life. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and solutions should be taken to handle this problem. Many adults are suffering health problems mainly because of pressure from work. Firstly, White collar workers tend to live a sedentary lifestyle as they sit in front of computer screens all day long to meet tight deadlines set by their bosses. Sitting in front of desk and watching at screen without enough rests result in symptoms such as neck pains and shortsightedness among this group of people. Besides, because of the fast pace of working environment, office workers usually choose to eat out at fast food restaurants. Although it might save time and energy compared with preparing food by themselves, people tend to eat too much sugar, fat and calories, which causes problems like obesity and high blood pressure. Thirdly, owing to the stress of work and competition among colleagues, some also suffer from sleep deprivation and mental disorders. In order to tackle these issues, I believe solutions lie in both the individual level and the social level. From individual level, people should be aware of the severe consequences of unhealthy lifestyle so that they could put their health problems as top priority of their life. With the mindset of healthy lifestyle, they would try to change their habits of eating too much fast food and putting more emphasis on eating healthier food, such as greens and lean proteins. From social level, the tendency of working overtime should be prohibited. Companies should lean towards working efficiency instead of working hours as promotion standards. In this way, people could enjoy more leisure time to have proper rests and take part in outdoor activities, which will help them release stress and boost energy. In conclusion, I believe pressure from work is the main cause of unhealthy lifestyle and measures should be taken from both individual and social levels.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues due to their choice of an unhealthy way of life. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and solutions should
be taken
to handle this problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults are suffering health problems
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pressure from work.
Firstly
, White collar workers tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as they sit in front of computer screens all day long to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
tight deadlines set by their bosses. Sitting in front of desk and watching at screen without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rests result in symptoms such as neck pains and shortsightedness among this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment, office workers
usually
choose to eat out at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants. Although it might save time and energy compared with preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by themselves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to eat too much sugar,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and calories, which causes problems like obesity and high blood pressure.
Thirdly
, owing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of work and competition among colleagues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
also
suffer from sleep deprivation and mental disorders.

In order to tackle these issues, I believe solutions lie in both the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. From individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of the severe consequences of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could put their health problems as top priority of their life. With the mindset of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, they would try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habits of eating too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and putting more emphasis on eating healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as greens and lean proteins. From social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime should
be prohibited
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should lean towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
efficiency
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours as promotion standards. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enjoy more leisure time to have proper rests and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outdoor activities, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and boost energy.

In conclusion
, I believe pressure from work is the main cause of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and measures should
be taken
from both individual and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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