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One of consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

One of consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? 2LrA
Nowadays as the technologies increases, we have many solutions to get rid of differnet problems like pollution etc and the many sector is health. As the technology changed the world by better and most siginficant medical care. today i will discuss how it plays a major role and i will dicuss about how the advanced medical equipment supressing negatives by its positives. n ancient time the human life has a life span more than 100 years as growing technology beacuse of pollutions and food the life expentancy has decreased. however science rapidly got the solution, from past we have better medical care which derived from ancients and made them more effective. Due to this we got more good and effective medicines which help tocure / reduce many biological diseases. By using this advanced medical care a human life can increase their life span. however it has disadvantages but giving life is the one ponit can suppress all the negative toughts. not only technology can save we have to be take care of ourself by taking healthy diet and doing exercise daily will keep our body fit and can reduce change to visit hospital. we have to be clean and should make our surrondings clean which sought out many allergics and diseases. To conclude this not only technologies can make human life span increase, the way you live and make your self fit by consuming healthy food, it can also helps us to see more years. At last advanced medical care also help us and has more befinets
Nowadays as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
increases, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
Possible spelling mistake found.
differnet
problems like pollution etc and the
Possible agreement error. The noun sector seems to be countable; consider using: "many sectors".
many sector
is health. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the world by better and most
Possible spelling mistake found.
siginficant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
today
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss how it plays a major role and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicuss
about how the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipment
Possible spelling mistake found.
supressing
negatives by its positives.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
n
ancient time the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span more than 100 years as growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
of pollutions and food the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
expentancy
has decreased.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
science
rapidly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the solution, from past we have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
which derived from ancients and made them more effective.

Due to this we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and effective medicines which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
tocure
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
biological diseases. By using this advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
a human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
it has disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving
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life
is the one
Possible spelling mistake found.
ponit
can suppress all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
toughts
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can save we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
by taking healthy diet and doing exercise daily will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body fit and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to visit hospital.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be clean and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
surrondings
clean which sought out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
allergics
and diseases.

To conclude
this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span increase, the way you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your self fit by consuming healthy food, it can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more years. At last advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us and has more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
befinets
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IELTS essay One of consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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