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Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. with this statement? LRDV
Although many people believe that when  child get addmission,   teacher has more impact on their social and intelligent development then parents. large extent for some reason. My position is argued further with explanation. Firstly, there is undeniable the child spend much quality with teacher. Also they spend with their parents but as not much as they spend small amount of time with teacher. For instance, children spend 9 am to 4 am time where they learn about arts, crafts, techniques. Furthermore, They guiding them and gives extra curricular activities that they develop their both skills. For example,   participantes in school competition like games, Quiz etc. For this, they started thinking about know way. However, parent do not given like this activities because they do not have enough time. Secondly,   teachers are role models of children. They aboserved them and follow their walk, talk and takkled different situation.   Moreover, they looked after us and carrier which teachers can observed when student in classes. On the other hand, parent also helped their children to developed their social side but they have lot's of work of job and they reached home their child has been sleeping so they do not interact much with them. In a nutshell,   teachers are better development of children intellectual and social than their parent and they guidance to children each and euagstep of their life.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that when
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
addmission
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
has more impact on their social and intelligent development then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
large
extent for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason. My position
is argued
further
with explanation.

Firstly
, there is undeniable the child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much quality with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as not much as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
9 am to 4 am
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they learn about arts, crafts, techniques.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "They're guiding", "They are guiding", or "They were guiding"?
They guiding
them and gives
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities that they develop their both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "participants", the plural form of the noun 'participant'?
participantes
in school competition like games, Quiz etc. For this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
thinking about know way.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "give"?
given
like
Did you mean "these"?
this
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time.

Secondly
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are role models of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
aboserved
them and follow their walk, talk and
Possible spelling mistake found.
takkled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Moreover
, they looked after us and carrier which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can observed when student in classes.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to developed their social side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have
Did you mean "lots"?
lot's
of work of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they reached home their child has been sleeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not interact much with them.

In a nutshell,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are better development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
intellectual and social than their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parent and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they guidance
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
each and
Possible spelling mistake found.
euagstep
of their life.
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IELTS essay Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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